Weekend Musings: Rules and Protocol

One of the things I see a lot of online are people who are new to D/s, who are looking for a be-all, end-all list of rules for their submissive or slave to follow.  I do understand wanting to do everything "right" when you start out, and wanting to have a dynamic that works, but unfortunately there is no quick and dirty instant set of D/s rules and behaviours that are going to work for everyone.

I know there are multiple lists of "slave rules" and "submissive rules" circulating on the internet.  I also know there are Gorean rules, and Leather rules and "Old Guard" rules.  There are rules for different types of submissives and lists of the different types.  So, who's right?  Well, all of them are.  And none of them are.

The thing is, that no set of rules is going to be right for everyone.  There's a list of 128 slave rules that is pretty well circulated, and includes an awful lot of rules that would spell disaster for us.  I get to leave my Master whenever I want and he always has to take me back?  No.  I have to have my nipples and labia pierced?  Yeah, Master doesn't like the idea of someone messing with his toys.  I get a safe word I can use whenever I want?  I threatened to use it when it was time to do the dishes when I read that one.  Muahaha.

There's really only one rule that should be required in any D/s relationship:  Do what the Dominant partner says.  For every couple that's going to be something completely different.  For the two of us, the protocols are simple and have developed and evolved over our ten years together.  I walk a step behind him (or sometimes a bit more) when we're walking together.  We may be side by side, but I'm slightly behind his shoulder, with my hand tucked through his arm or holding his hand.  I don't start eating until he does.  I ask to leave the room, even if it's just to go to the bathroom or check on the laundry.  I take care of the housework and anything additional he asks me to do in the morning (book appointments, research something, etc).  I prepare a menu for approval every week, then prepare the shopping list.  I feed the animals, take the dog outside, and brush and groom them.  He chooses my clothing if we're going out.  During various times, I may be assigned extra things to do if we're busy, or fewer things to do if I'm ill.  Always, I do things to his desires, such as choosing foods he likes to make instead of ones I'd prefer.  Always, I do these things to please him.

He doesn't need to micromanage me.  We went through a phase of that early on in the relationship.  We had a million rules, for everything from how to get into bed at night to how to do the dishes.  And you know what happened?  We both hated it.  It's a great fantasy, that you can make a rule for anything and it's always obeyed, every moment of the day planned by someone else, no decisions to make, but in reality, it totally ... sucks.  What if this morning I want to put in the laundry before I unload the dishwasher?  What if it's Wednesday and I want to wear a skirt, because it's hot, but it's slacks day?  It's crazy to have a bunch of inflexible rules, and just makes you miserable in the long run.

Still, which rules are important and which make you crazy is going to change from couple to couple.  Sometimes, when you are learning how the Dominant partner wants things, it helps to have rules.  For example, in planning the menu, it helps to know that beans and spinach are forbidden, and salads and tomatoes encouraged.  There are preferences, but these need not be made into hard and fast rules.  The best way is your way, no one elses.  Make your own rules, and watch your relationship grow in the most beautiful ways.  Rules can bring you closer when they're personalized just for you.

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