Of course - just as a side note - if you aren't creative enough to make up rules that are going to make you happy ... you probably deserve to be unhappy with the weird ass rules that other people give you. I made up some garbage about having a list with 103 rules for all true slaves and had more people than I expected message me to get the full list (I was being sarcastic - I do that). I told them all to send me their $10 membership fee and I'd send the list over with their welcome package. Hey if I made $100 out of it I'd actually sit down and write a whole damn list.
So, you may think that I have a problem with rules - but you'd be wrong. I love rules - but I only love rules that make sense to 'me'. We don't have a lot of rules in our household, which works for us. Not that we haven't tried, it just didn't work out. You know that when it takes more work to make the rules and upkeep them that you have too many. Micromanagement might sound interesting to some of you, like having everything predetermined or done a certain way all the time, but it just drove me crazy. You also may not think of it, but changing rules is almost as bad as not having them - especially if you're changing them a lot. Suddenly rules aren't rules - I mean if you're not going to follow them, why have them? That is my point.
The rules we do have? She does what I tell her, shes allowed to ask for clarification, or 'why' if she thinks I'm being arbitrary about 'how' I want something done. So basically she can question my method but not my reasons. She can ask for the reasons, but they aren't up for debate.
Whoa, 1 rule? Yeah, that's all you really need. Some other 'rules' have stemmed from that, but they came up naturally over time, I didn't sit down one day and say 'ok, here are all the rules that I want you to follow'. We were just sitting around one day and I was like 'ok, from now on I'd like X' - and just like God called things into being, I do the same thing.
The real problem? I can't tell other people how to live their lives. Well, correction, I 'shouldn't' tell people how to live their lives, and if I do they damn well should know better than to listen to anything I say. Just because this makes me happy doesn't mean it's going to make anyone else happy - and if it will make them happy? I figure they should know what they want already. I mean, if I wanted a chocolate bar and having one would make me happy, I'd go get one. I wouldn't go ask someone - hey, what makes you happy ... then when they tell me drinking organic shakes is what makes them happy go buy one of those instead.
I suppose I can see the argument, something along the lines of 'maybe I don't know what I want'. Ok - then why do you want it? I don't wander around asking people why my stomach feels empty - I know I'm hungry. When I'm hungry I eat something. Same thing should go for rules - if she is (or isn't) doing something you want ( or don't want ) then correct the behaviour with a rule. That should be pretty simple reasoning. There is a difference between just asking a general question (Hey are there any rules for what I should do with my slave around bed time?) and saying 'Hey, I'm thinking of instituting a bedtime ritual for X, and I'm going to have her do Y - do any of you do something similar and how does that work for you?'
I feel like I've been belabouring the same point and and typing in circles so I'm going to cut off there. My bottom line is really quite simple - Do what works for you. You don't have to do everything at once, relationships evolve. Don't be afraid to re-evaluate what you are doing to make both of you happy.
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