Tuesday 10 May 2011

Technique Tuesday: Begging

What is it?  How do you do it properly?  And what is it about begging that makes people so turned on?

Even after ten years, my Master and I are still discovering interesting things about one another.  I always knew he kind of liked begging.  Now and then he would demand that I beg for something, and I would do my best to do so.  I liked the humbling nature of it, it would make my stomach twist in the same way that it does when he calls me a slut.  It's humiliating, to some degree, but in a safe and pleasant way.

But what is the difference between begging and groveling, and nicely asking?  Is there one?

The piece of writing that Master wrote last night was interesting to me, and provoked quite a discussion in our household.  I asked him if I knew how to "beg" properly, and he asked me to show him how I would ask, if he told me I had to beg for a soda.

"Please Master, may I please have a soda?"

He replied, "And if I said no?"

At that point I told him I'd say, "Yes Master" and stop begging, because it is my tendency to be obedient and when he tells me no, to accept it.  Whoops.  Hadn't ever considered that the "No" would be part of a game of further begging.

When I'm told no by him, it really is my nature to accept it and try to deal with the consequences of the no, whether it's a no to an orgasm that I desperately want and am having a hard time fighting off while he does unspeakable and unspeakably delicious things to me, or no to a pair of shoes I'd love to buy.  I consider myself spoiled, because I do get many of the things I ask for, so I also think it's my place to accept a no gracefully and without being a bother about it.

As we talked, we figured out that if I knew it was part of the game for him to say no, that I wouldn't have a problem continuing to beg.  I also would continue to beg if it were something that affected my well-being; for example, if I was told I would have nothing to drink for a week if I did not beg for that soda.  I of course trust that he would never follow through on such a thing, because he wouldn't want me to die of thirst, but his disappointment in my failure would about kill me and would be almost as painful.

How do you do it?

When presented with that last scenario, I was asked what I would do, and I explained there would be lots of "Please, Master?"ing combined with crawling around at his feet, tugging at his clothing with my teeth, whimpering, and kitten-type rubbings of my cheek against his body parts.  He agreed that this would be suitable begging.

I'm sure that the actual specifics of it are different for everyone, but I think it has to contain some type of humbling of oneself to really qualify as begging, such as the crawling about his feet.  It should obviously contain the request in some form, asked nicely of course, and not with much, if any whining.

Not whining?

I'm really good at whining.  I'm kinda sorry that begging is different from whining.  I can be very cute when I whine, have puppy dog eyes, and a pouty lower lip.

It's not bargaining.

The one thing we both agreed that begging was not, was offering one thing for another.  For example, "Please Master, if you let me have the soda I'll polish your boots."  Well, he could order me to do that at any time, anyway.  What's the point in offering things he already has?  It's never worked, although I've resorted to bargaining in the past when really really really desperate for an orgasm.  It only made him laugh some.

It can contain groveling, but not consist entirely of it.

Groveling and telling someone how amazing they are and how lowly you are is great.  It's humiliating.  It's a definite exchange of power.  But it doesn't contain a request per se.  Still, a good begging session should definitely contain some groveling just for spice.

What do you get out of it?

Well, if you're successful, I guess you get what you're asking for.  When Master wants it, I get the fluttery-happy feeling of him being pleased.  But it's also a profound confirmation of submission and humility.  It's not easy to do, not for an extended period, and especially not for something you're not sure that you want.  It can get deep inside your head, though, which is one of the more fun aspects of BDSM relationships. As for what the dominant partner gets out of it, you'll have to wait until my other half posts.....

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