Monday, 13 June 2011
Weekend Musings: Making Choices
Since I'm off this week I feel entitled to write my weekend post on Monday. This has nothing to do with the topic, I just have been enjoying my staycation.
I was actually pleasantly surprised about our topic this week. When we discuss these things I can lay down the 'law' so to speak but it's nice to see inside her head and know how she 'took' it and what she's doing to follow the law.
So - down to it. Taking away my decision making prowess. I'm damn good at making decisions, you suggest a problem for me and I can give you an answer. So what does that have to do with a D/s relationship? Well, my girl has agreed to hand me all her major decisions. This is just another way she is subjugated to my will. Remember I talk about control? Well what better way is there to control someone than to not allow them to make their own final decisions.
Don't get me wrong, I want her to be self sufficient in some ways and to make her own minor decisions. It just becomes work if I have to decide everything for her - some micromanagement people get off on that, so don't think that my way is the only way. Back on topic ... over time we've evolved this 'asking' process so that she knows what to ask for and what to just do on her own (getting a drink of water is done on her own, deciding what clothing to wear out of the house is approved by me).
That's the control background, now the 'asking' background.
She has always had a problem when she thinks she is being a 'burden' on me. Which basically means any time she wants to ask for something she doesn't because she just wants to make my life easier and not require anything of me. This is good in a way, I mean it's her personality meshing so well with mine that makes us get along. The problem I have is that often I never know what she is thinking/feeling/wanting at any given time. We've been together for 10 years, so I can read her pretty well, but I'm not telepathic.
When does this become a problem? When I don't necessarily have a 'preference' at any given time.
Ex: Often this occurs when we are shopping and she will stand in one place and look directly at something for a long time. Normally when she is admiring things she will touch them and look more closely, but when she 'really' wants something it's like she's afraid to touch it.
It took a while but I discovered what this actually meant and now I use that as her 'signal' for non-verbally asking for things and will make the choice on whether to purchase it or not in that moment.
Now if you look at the above, I don't really care one way or another if I get this particular item for her. Without her indicating her interest I would never know that she actually wanted the item. If she didn't indicate her interest so that I could get it for her how would I know? In effect, if she doesn't ask me she is automatically forcing me to answer 'no'. I do say 'no', but I also say 'yes' - that is my choice.
Think of it this way, pretend someone asks you something like 'How do you like the weather?' then immediately says 'Oh, you like it just fine'. Would you appreciate being told how you felt?
Now ...
For a long time we've gone on like that, I would tell her that her opinions and requests were important to me and that she should tell me what is going on in he head (that is a whole different topic, she also had issues just indicating preference or discussing what was going on in there). I'd almost gotten to the point that I had accepted it wasn't going to change and that sometimes/often she would feel bad because in her head I had refused her requests for things.
Then, not long ago we were having a discussion about choices and it hit me. What she was really doing was taking away my ability to choose for her. By internalizing the discussion in her head and not including me she was preventing me from exercising my will on her. I think this finally hit a chord with her and made sense. It wasn't just that it was 'important' that she tell me these things, it was critical, because in a (weird) way she was controlling me by not letting me make my own decisions. She was also creating a tension and maybe even an unhappiness in her every day life that wasn't necessary and could lead to larger problems in the future.
How it's going?
Things are changing slowly, I have noticed a dramatic increase in her vocalizing things that are on her mind. She has requests, preferences, and asks for things now that before I couldn't drag out of her. I know this is difficult for her and I'm proud that she is making such a conscious effort. I am hoping that the 'effort' won't be required for long, and soon it will become habit rather than forced.
Is this something you see in your own relationship? Are you controlling like I am? Maybe this is a new way to bring up an old subject for you as well. Let me know if this works out for you as well as it worked out for me.
Read Her View for more information
I was actually pleasantly surprised about our topic this week. When we discuss these things I can lay down the 'law' so to speak but it's nice to see inside her head and know how she 'took' it and what she's doing to follow the law.
So - down to it. Taking away my decision making prowess. I'm damn good at making decisions, you suggest a problem for me and I can give you an answer. So what does that have to do with a D/s relationship? Well, my girl has agreed to hand me all her major decisions. This is just another way she is subjugated to my will. Remember I talk about control? Well what better way is there to control someone than to not allow them to make their own final decisions.
Don't get me wrong, I want her to be self sufficient in some ways and to make her own minor decisions. It just becomes work if I have to decide everything for her - some micromanagement people get off on that, so don't think that my way is the only way. Back on topic ... over time we've evolved this 'asking' process so that she knows what to ask for and what to just do on her own (getting a drink of water is done on her own, deciding what clothing to wear out of the house is approved by me).
That's the control background, now the 'asking' background.
She has always had a problem when she thinks she is being a 'burden' on me. Which basically means any time she wants to ask for something she doesn't because she just wants to make my life easier and not require anything of me. This is good in a way, I mean it's her personality meshing so well with mine that makes us get along. The problem I have is that often I never know what she is thinking/feeling/wanting at any given time. We've been together for 10 years, so I can read her pretty well, but I'm not telepathic.
When does this become a problem? When I don't necessarily have a 'preference' at any given time.
Ex: Often this occurs when we are shopping and she will stand in one place and look directly at something for a long time. Normally when she is admiring things she will touch them and look more closely, but when she 'really' wants something it's like she's afraid to touch it.
It took a while but I discovered what this actually meant and now I use that as her 'signal' for non-verbally asking for things and will make the choice on whether to purchase it or not in that moment.
Now if you look at the above, I don't really care one way or another if I get this particular item for her. Without her indicating her interest I would never know that she actually wanted the item. If she didn't indicate her interest so that I could get it for her how would I know? In effect, if she doesn't ask me she is automatically forcing me to answer 'no'. I do say 'no', but I also say 'yes' - that is my choice.
Think of it this way, pretend someone asks you something like 'How do you like the weather?' then immediately says 'Oh, you like it just fine'. Would you appreciate being told how you felt?
Now ...
For a long time we've gone on like that, I would tell her that her opinions and requests were important to me and that she should tell me what is going on in he head (that is a whole different topic, she also had issues just indicating preference or discussing what was going on in there). I'd almost gotten to the point that I had accepted it wasn't going to change and that sometimes/often she would feel bad because in her head I had refused her requests for things.
Then, not long ago we were having a discussion about choices and it hit me. What she was really doing was taking away my ability to choose for her. By internalizing the discussion in her head and not including me she was preventing me from exercising my will on her. I think this finally hit a chord with her and made sense. It wasn't just that it was 'important' that she tell me these things, it was critical, because in a (weird) way she was controlling me by not letting me make my own decisions. She was also creating a tension and maybe even an unhappiness in her every day life that wasn't necessary and could lead to larger problems in the future.
How it's going?
Things are changing slowly, I have noticed a dramatic increase in her vocalizing things that are on her mind. She has requests, preferences, and asks for things now that before I couldn't drag out of her. I know this is difficult for her and I'm proud that she is making such a conscious effort. I am hoping that the 'effort' won't be required for long, and soon it will become habit rather than forced.
Is this something you see in your own relationship? Are you controlling like I am? Maybe this is a new way to bring up an old subject for you as well. Let me know if this works out for you as well as it worked out for me.
Read Her View for more information
Sunday, 12 June 2011
Weekend Musings: Taking the Choice Away
There have been some discussions lately about how I've been taking choices away from my Master.
Yes, you read that right. Taking decisions and choices away from him, not the other way around.
"But I thought you were such a great slave!" you're probably thinking. Well, maybe not, but I can dream.
Here's my problem: I don't want to be any trouble. Because of that, I have a long history of not asking for the things I want. I'll think to myself, "Nah, I don't really need hair color. I can wait two more weeks. So what if it makes me miserable. I'll wait until the last second I can stand it to ask." Or, "I really want that craft item/orgasm/piece of chocolate... but it's too expensive/too much trouble." I won't ask. In my own way, I was choosing not to ask because I thought that was my little way of making life easier for my Master.
The problem was, I was also taking away his opportunity to choose. I was making the decision in his place that I didn't deserve whatever thing it was I wanted. He might say yes, he might say no, but I was choosing no in his place. I didn't even realize that I was doing it. I had never placed it in that context, mentally, for myself. I was shocked.
This happens in bed, too. I mentioned orgasms earlier, but the truth is, all around I give very little feedback, because I am constantly striving to be pleasing. So, I'll do anything he wants, and I'll generally have a very, very good time, and even if I really really wanted him to swat me with the belt or use the brush on me, or grab those nipple clamps, I would figure that when it came right down to it, since I didn't have final say, it was silly to bug him with my own wants.
Oh, but yeah. There again, I was choosing for him. He can read me pretty well, and sometimes he can figure out just from my body language what it is I want or need, but in that case, I'm requiring him to attempt using a psychic gift and making his life harder than easier, the latter of which was actually my goal.
Oops.
This isn't to say there aren't many decisions that I hand over without a second
thought. If he chooses something for me to wear, or the perfume I use, or what I am to eat in a restaurant, I never hesitate. I would never object. But in these small things, I take away his choices, when our original agreement was that I would hand over my choices to him. By not letting him know there is even a choice being made, I am being dishonest in our relationship, in a way. Not a huge way, and probably not a destructive way, but in one of those little ways that can pile up over time and create a slow leak in your M/s dynamic which eventually becomes an overwhelming tidal wave.
How am I working on it?
Very simple. I'm trying very hard, every time we have a sexual interaction, to vocalize at least one thing I want. Whether or not I get it is not really the issue. Sometimes I even ask for more than one thing. (This doesn't include orgasms; I always have been required to ask for these, and that hasn't and won't change) Sometimes it's a toy or technique or position, whatever it is that I really want. I let him choose whether or not I'm to get it.
More often than not, there are a hundred little choices per day I can also hand over. I'm very sure that there are some he doesn't want to make. For example, I'm not going to start asking him whether I should have a Coke Zero or a Diet Coke with Lime, but I do ask him if I may have a piece of chocolate. I don't ask him if I should read this book or that book next, but I will ask him if we can watch a certain movie in the evening. I try to also do this at least once per day, making a real effort to take those internal dialogues out of my head and putting them into the open.
Are there hidden decisions you're making day to day, choices that you are taking away from your Master? Consider each time you choose not to ask, whether or not you are actually making a choice.
Read His View for more information
Yes, you read that right. Taking decisions and choices away from him, not the other way around.
"But I thought you were such a great slave!" you're probably thinking. Well, maybe not, but I can dream.
Here's my problem: I don't want to be any trouble. Because of that, I have a long history of not asking for the things I want. I'll think to myself, "Nah, I don't really need hair color. I can wait two more weeks. So what if it makes me miserable. I'll wait until the last second I can stand it to ask." Or, "I really want that craft item/orgasm/piece of chocolate... but it's too expensive/too much trouble." I won't ask. In my own way, I was choosing not to ask because I thought that was my little way of making life easier for my Master.
The problem was, I was also taking away his opportunity to choose. I was making the decision in his place that I didn't deserve whatever thing it was I wanted. He might say yes, he might say no, but I was choosing no in his place. I didn't even realize that I was doing it. I had never placed it in that context, mentally, for myself. I was shocked.
This happens in bed, too. I mentioned orgasms earlier, but the truth is, all around I give very little feedback, because I am constantly striving to be pleasing. So, I'll do anything he wants, and I'll generally have a very, very good time, and even if I really really wanted him to swat me with the belt or use the brush on me, or grab those nipple clamps, I would figure that when it came right down to it, since I didn't have final say, it was silly to bug him with my own wants.
Oh, but yeah. There again, I was choosing for him. He can read me pretty well, and sometimes he can figure out just from my body language what it is I want or need, but in that case, I'm requiring him to attempt using a psychic gift and making his life harder than easier, the latter of which was actually my goal.
Oops.
thought. If he chooses something for me to wear, or the perfume I use, or what I am to eat in a restaurant, I never hesitate. I would never object. But in these small things, I take away his choices, when our original agreement was that I would hand over my choices to him. By not letting him know there is even a choice being made, I am being dishonest in our relationship, in a way. Not a huge way, and probably not a destructive way, but in one of those little ways that can pile up over time and create a slow leak in your M/s dynamic which eventually becomes an overwhelming tidal wave.
How am I working on it?
Very simple. I'm trying very hard, every time we have a sexual interaction, to vocalize at least one thing I want. Whether or not I get it is not really the issue. Sometimes I even ask for more than one thing. (This doesn't include orgasms; I always have been required to ask for these, and that hasn't and won't change) Sometimes it's a toy or technique or position, whatever it is that I really want. I let him choose whether or not I'm to get it.
More often than not, there are a hundred little choices per day I can also hand over. I'm very sure that there are some he doesn't want to make. For example, I'm not going to start asking him whether I should have a Coke Zero or a Diet Coke with Lime, but I do ask him if I may have a piece of chocolate. I don't ask him if I should read this book or that book next, but I will ask him if we can watch a certain movie in the evening. I try to also do this at least once per day, making a real effort to take those internal dialogues out of my head and putting them into the open.
Are there hidden decisions you're making day to day, choices that you are taking away from your Master? Consider each time you choose not to ask, whether or not you are actually making a choice.
Read His View for more information
Friday, 10 June 2011
Review Thursday: Hitachi HV-250 Wand
Lately we've been starting to rebuild our toy collection. Part of the rebuilding has included an order from Pink Cherry that we've been reviewing the last few weeks. This week I broke out the wand that my girl has been asking about for years. We've never had one, and at the price we found I couldn't pass it up. Everyone says it's the best vibrator that has ever existed.
So the order finally arrived ( a day early actually, I love actually ordering from Canadian companies ). I left it sitting in the box out in the open for my girl to lust after. She has this thing about wanting to open things right away, her patience is non-existent with some things. I use that knowledge to torture the crap out of her. If she hadn't made a good point about making sure everything had arrived safely I probably would have let it sit for a week or so just to drive her nuts.
As I was opening it she came over to lay with her head in my lap so she could get a view of the toys as well. This didn't prove to be a 'great' idea since while I was working on the twist tie holding the cord of the wand together I lost my grip on the wand portion and ended up swinging it like a flail directly at her head. While this may seem like a good idea to some of you other Sadists, I can say without a doubt that it was not designed with this type of 'play' in mind. It is much too top heavy to get the proper rotation for a second swing. If they shortened the handle it might work well (and it does leave a good sized knot/bruise behind).
After that I put everything away and was planning to leave the wand for last. For one, teasing her and knowing how badly she wanted to try it was a bonus. Second ... there is always that niggling worry in the back of your head that some appliance could possibly replace you - or if not replace, do something you are completely incapable of doing. I'm not afraid to admit that after all the hype I was a bit worried that it might give her orgasms that I couldn't duplicate without it. Logically I understand that I'd be the one using it on her, so I'd still be in control of those orgasms, but at the same time it isn't really 'me'.
I won't say I 'wrestled' with that idea, but it made it easier to delay pulling it out for a real use session. I'd also threatened her that when I finally did pull it out I wasn't going to stop until she really begged me to (or passed out). I think this is doubly scary to her because if she waits too long to beg she gets incoherent so the passed out was more likely. Not that she was turned off by this idea, she might also not have believed me 100% - hard to say. Usually I keep my word about stuff like that.
So - enough background, onto playtime.
I'd had a rough day and just wasn't up to 'sex' since my back wasn't co-operating and I was sick. That doesn't always kill my sex drive itself completely, so often I can get my kicks by torturing her instead. I grabbed a few clothespins and the wand, stretched her out on the bed and started to work on her body. I don't think she saw the wand at first - I wanted to tease her a bit before we got really down to business with the wand.
When I had her squirming around on the bed I pulled it out and turned it on. There was a look that ran over her face that was part fear and part anticipation - I love looks like that. I let her get used to the 'low' setting while I rubbed it over her body, then slid it between her legs. I wasn't sure what to expect, but even with all the hype I wasn't let down. Her eyes rolled back and she almost immediately fell over the edge of an orgasm. Awesome.
When she was done I turned it off and gave her a bit of a cool down period before starting up again. I'd say within 30 seconds she was ready to go again. From there I tried varying the intensity (high/low) and pressure (harder/softer). There wasn't really much variation in results. The low setting brought on rapid orgasms, and the high setting was like 'insta-gasm'.
She also gets very sensitive after an orgasm (her clit especially) so leaving the wand on and focusing on her clit with it right after she had just came brought on pain and another orgasm almost immediately. I'm curious to explore and find the point where the pain becomes too much for her and is no longer worth the reward. We'll likely be seeing that in the future, I'll just have to make sure I tie her down first.
True to my word I didn't stop until she begged. I was right though, she was completely incoherent. I only knew she was begging me to stop because 'Master' had turned to 'Daddy' with a slight whine. She admitted afterward that she was begging Daddy to save her from the mean Master - that tickles me.
As a tip for use - don't just leave it sitting in one spot. When I did that the sensation didn't seem to build. Rubbing it both in circles or up and down seemed to do the trick. Also varying the pressure made a difference, the light touch must feel quite different from the firm press.
Read Her View for more information
So the order finally arrived ( a day early actually, I love actually ordering from Canadian companies ). I left it sitting in the box out in the open for my girl to lust after. She has this thing about wanting to open things right away, her patience is non-existent with some things. I use that knowledge to torture the crap out of her. If she hadn't made a good point about making sure everything had arrived safely I probably would have let it sit for a week or so just to drive her nuts.
 |
| Not a flail |
After that I put everything away and was planning to leave the wand for last. For one, teasing her and knowing how badly she wanted to try it was a bonus. Second ... there is always that niggling worry in the back of your head that some appliance could possibly replace you - or if not replace, do something you are completely incapable of doing. I'm not afraid to admit that after all the hype I was a bit worried that it might give her orgasms that I couldn't duplicate without it. Logically I understand that I'd be the one using it on her, so I'd still be in control of those orgasms, but at the same time it isn't really 'me'.
I won't say I 'wrestled' with that idea, but it made it easier to delay pulling it out for a real use session. I'd also threatened her that when I finally did pull it out I wasn't going to stop until she really begged me to (or passed out). I think this is doubly scary to her because if she waits too long to beg she gets incoherent so the passed out was more likely. Not that she was turned off by this idea, she might also not have believed me 100% - hard to say. Usually I keep my word about stuff like that.
So - enough background, onto playtime.
I'd had a rough day and just wasn't up to 'sex' since my back wasn't co-operating and I was sick. That doesn't always kill my sex drive itself completely, so often I can get my kicks by torturing her instead. I grabbed a few clothespins and the wand, stretched her out on the bed and started to work on her body. I don't think she saw the wand at first - I wanted to tease her a bit before we got really down to business with the wand.
When I had her squirming around on the bed I pulled it out and turned it on. There was a look that ran over her face that was part fear and part anticipation - I love looks like that. I let her get used to the 'low' setting while I rubbed it over her body, then slid it between her legs. I wasn't sure what to expect, but even with all the hype I wasn't let down. Her eyes rolled back and she almost immediately fell over the edge of an orgasm. Awesome.
 |
| Bzzzzzzzz |
She also gets very sensitive after an orgasm (her clit especially) so leaving the wand on and focusing on her clit with it right after she had just came brought on pain and another orgasm almost immediately. I'm curious to explore and find the point where the pain becomes too much for her and is no longer worth the reward. We'll likely be seeing that in the future, I'll just have to make sure I tie her down first.
True to my word I didn't stop until she begged. I was right though, she was completely incoherent. I only knew she was begging me to stop because 'Master' had turned to 'Daddy' with a slight whine. She admitted afterward that she was begging Daddy to save her from the mean Master - that tickles me.
As a tip for use - don't just leave it sitting in one spot. When I did that the sensation didn't seem to build. Rubbing it both in circles or up and down seemed to do the trick. Also varying the pressure made a difference, the light touch must feel quite different from the firm press.
Read Her View for more information
Thursday, 9 June 2011
Review Thursday: Hitachi Magic Wand
It's been a long wait.
I've wanted one of these babies for years. It was the Hogtied videos that did it. All those lovely orgasms being forced on beautifully bound and beaten women. There was one in particular that I recall of a French girl, who had been teased for ages, then tied with a wand attached between her legs and flogged. She couldn't stop orgasming during the flogging. Oh, how I ached to be her, right there in the middle of that seeming tsunami of sensation. It looked positively amazing.
We had looked around for quite a while in search of the elusive magic wand. Local stores in Calgary carried it, but with a price that began at $130 or so and only went up from there, we were not interested. No orgasm, no matter how powerful, seemed worth that much. I mean jeeze, it's only a vibe, right? You can get those for ten bucks. Finally we came across a price at Pink Cherry that we could do more than live with - we could accept wholeheartedly. For $44 and change, we could have our own crazy orgasm machine. And with free shipping, too!
When the box arrived, it sat for nearly a whole day unopened. I thought the Masterly type was crazy. I love getting packages in the mail - even if I ordered it, it's still kind of like Christmas. Finally, I convinced him that he should at least open it and make sure everything came undamaged. He agreed. I was in my usual spot with my head in his lap, which turned out to be a mistake. Let me just say this right here: The Hitachi Magic Wand is not meant to be used as a flail to beat your slavegirl about the head. Okay? Seriously. I know his hand slipped, but I had a lump on my head the next day, and it wasn't fun, just extremely startling.
Once unpacked, the wand was put away. We've reviewed other items from our order and from other places, and I was kind of anxious. There was a lot of fuss about this thing, and I'd heard so many good reviews, and I really really wanted those amazing orgasms. Finally, I found enough courage to ask the Masterly one why we hadn't tried it yet. Turned out, there was a bit of worry that I might like it better than him. Seriously, this is a valid concern for men; they can't move that fast. There was even an episode of Love Bites that recently focused on the Hitachi vibrator (called the Maserati in the show, I guess they didn't want to give a free plug!) I totally get it. If the Masterly one wanted to get one of those fake va-jay-jay fleshlight thingies I might wonder, too. Thankfully, he has no interest in those.
For me, it's just a matter of fact that he has two hands. Sometimes they're busy. It's like an attachment or extension of him when it's used. I don't plan on using it myself. Besides, I've always been very happy with our sex life and don't feel like I'm missing anything. I am, however, a sensation junkie, and like exploring different ones. This was just like trying a new flogger or paddle as far as I was concerned.
I finally decided that thinking about it was just going to get me nowhere and what I really needed to do was forget about it for a while. Later that day, after being teased almost to distraction in bed, it was whipped out. Amazing how the universe works, no? Because I had already been teased to the very edge of orgasm for a while, when I felt the cool ball of the head of the wand press against my overheated parts I almost came just from the excited anticipation of it all. Then it was switched on.
I think my eyes may have rolled back in my head. I came almost immediately. It was uncontrollable and intense. I categorize my orgasms into three classes.. no, four. There's the "ruined orgasm", which is when you're right there, stimulation stops, and you get all of the muscle contractions but none of the pleasure. Then there's the mini-orgasm, the normal orgasm, and the OMGIcamesohard orgasm, the last of which is named for what I am generally muttering afterwards. This was one of that last category. Oh. My. God.
The next little bit of time was a blur. I know that I came multiple times, but I can't tell you how many. I do know that I get extremely sensitive right after an orgasm, and that's when the Hitachi Wand becomes a torture device rather than yay-yay-happy-time toy. The vibration is truly intense, and unlike other vibrators I've worked with. The movement within the device seems more controlled, and stronger, without the "jittery" feeling some vibes produce. The low speed is enough to provoke remarkable feelings, and when kicking it onto high speed, you could pretty much guarantee an orgasm within a minute for me. Then again, I've never been a "hard cum" - I'm pretty responsive most of the time, and am not super hard to get over the edge (again, most of the time... there have been moments I had a hard time concentrating or letting go and it took longer, but I think it's that way for everyone now and again). I do think that the extreme intensity of the vibration would overcome just about anything else going on in your head at any time. If you do have a hard time concentrating, this is so incredibly overwhelming that it's difficult to process anything else going on at the moment.
Afterwards, physically, I felt a little strange. I've heard that when left in place for too long, the magic wand can create numbness, but it wasn't exactly numbness that I felt. Instead, I felt incredibly swollen, overheated, soaking wet, and exhausted. Physically, it was as though we'd been going at it for hours and hours, when I knew in reality it hadn't been very long at all (the thing works quick!). I didn't think I could handle another orgasm at that point without turning into a babbling, incoherent idiot (then again, maybe I was already there... it can be hard to tell in that moment). I do know that I might have cried if it had been turned back onto me at that point.
But I can't wait to do it again.
I think that it is a remarkable tool for forced orgasms. During one of the "torture" phases, when I was overly sensitive and the wand remained in place, I came exhaustively hard - another one of those last-category-of-orgasm orgasms - and it almost felt as though it were being ripped through my body instead of my body conducting the waves of pleasure. It was a very out-of-control feeling that I absolutely loved.
I had heard some talk about how loud the vibrator was, including some talk comparing it to a jackhammer on Fetlife (waves and loves to Chremes and rawr for that one...) but I didn't find it extraordinarily loud or anything. I don't think the neighbors would hear it, but if we had a roommate that might be a different story. It wasn't loud enough for me to find it distracting, at least, but then my mind was kind of occupied at the time, so your mileage may vary. If you're living at home with curious parents or something, you might want to play some music to cover up the noise, as well as the moans and groans and screams of pleasure you'll have a hard time controlling under this thing's influence.
I think it was well worth the price, and will see a lot of play in our house. I love that it plugs in instead of using batteries; we seemed to always have the bad luck that whatever toy we wanted to play with had dead batteries in it, which meant interrupting a scene to look for that giant costco pack of batteries that we had trouble finding storage for. Finally, at the back of the pantry or on top of the bathroom cabinet we'd come up with a pack of 40 AAAs and 34 Cs to find we needed four AAs for this particular toy. Ugh. By then we'd both have lost our groove. Since this plugs into the wall, there's no last minute scramble, and even better, there's no dying of vibration as the battery runs out just as you're approaching orgasm. I swear, some of my old toys were sadistic in and of themselves.
This would be a great toy for the solo/single player, but can also have great benefits for playing in pairs. What an incentive for giving a great blow job! I can't wait to try it during a flogging or spanking, too. Overall, a terrific investment and a fabulous add to the toy box.
Orgasmegeddon brought to you by KeezMovies.com
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I've wanted one of these babies for years. It was the Hogtied videos that did it. All those lovely orgasms being forced on beautifully bound and beaten women. There was one in particular that I recall of a French girl, who had been teased for ages, then tied with a wand attached between her legs and flogged. She couldn't stop orgasming during the flogging. Oh, how I ached to be her, right there in the middle of that seeming tsunami of sensation. It looked positively amazing.
We had looked around for quite a while in search of the elusive magic wand. Local stores in Calgary carried it, but with a price that began at $130 or so and only went up from there, we were not interested. No orgasm, no matter how powerful, seemed worth that much. I mean jeeze, it's only a vibe, right? You can get those for ten bucks. Finally we came across a price at Pink Cherry that we could do more than live with - we could accept wholeheartedly. For $44 and change, we could have our own crazy orgasm machine. And with free shipping, too!
When the box arrived, it sat for nearly a whole day unopened. I thought the Masterly type was crazy. I love getting packages in the mail - even if I ordered it, it's still kind of like Christmas. Finally, I convinced him that he should at least open it and make sure everything came undamaged. He agreed. I was in my usual spot with my head in his lap, which turned out to be a mistake. Let me just say this right here: The Hitachi Magic Wand is not meant to be used as a flail to beat your slavegirl about the head. Okay? Seriously. I know his hand slipped, but I had a lump on my head the next day, and it wasn't fun, just extremely startling.
Once unpacked, the wand was put away. We've reviewed other items from our order and from other places, and I was kind of anxious. There was a lot of fuss about this thing, and I'd heard so many good reviews, and I really really wanted those amazing orgasms. Finally, I found enough courage to ask the Masterly one why we hadn't tried it yet. Turned out, there was a bit of worry that I might like it better than him. Seriously, this is a valid concern for men; they can't move that fast. There was even an episode of Love Bites that recently focused on the Hitachi vibrator (called the Maserati in the show, I guess they didn't want to give a free plug!) I totally get it. If the Masterly one wanted to get one of those fake va-jay-jay fleshlight thingies I might wonder, too. Thankfully, he has no interest in those.
For me, it's just a matter of fact that he has two hands. Sometimes they're busy. It's like an attachment or extension of him when it's used. I don't plan on using it myself. Besides, I've always been very happy with our sex life and don't feel like I'm missing anything. I am, however, a sensation junkie, and like exploring different ones. This was just like trying a new flogger or paddle as far as I was concerned.
I finally decided that thinking about it was just going to get me nowhere and what I really needed to do was forget about it for a while. Later that day, after being teased almost to distraction in bed, it was whipped out. Amazing how the universe works, no? Because I had already been teased to the very edge of orgasm for a while, when I felt the cool ball of the head of the wand press against my overheated parts I almost came just from the excited anticipation of it all. Then it was switched on.
I think my eyes may have rolled back in my head. I came almost immediately. It was uncontrollable and intense. I categorize my orgasms into three classes.. no, four. There's the "ruined orgasm", which is when you're right there, stimulation stops, and you get all of the muscle contractions but none of the pleasure. Then there's the mini-orgasm, the normal orgasm, and the OMGIcamesohard orgasm, the last of which is named for what I am generally muttering afterwards. This was one of that last category. Oh. My. God.
The next little bit of time was a blur. I know that I came multiple times, but I can't tell you how many. I do know that I get extremely sensitive right after an orgasm, and that's when the Hitachi Wand becomes a torture device rather than yay-yay-happy-time toy. The vibration is truly intense, and unlike other vibrators I've worked with. The movement within the device seems more controlled, and stronger, without the "jittery" feeling some vibes produce. The low speed is enough to provoke remarkable feelings, and when kicking it onto high speed, you could pretty much guarantee an orgasm within a minute for me. Then again, I've never been a "hard cum" - I'm pretty responsive most of the time, and am not super hard to get over the edge (again, most of the time... there have been moments I had a hard time concentrating or letting go and it took longer, but I think it's that way for everyone now and again). I do think that the extreme intensity of the vibration would overcome just about anything else going on in your head at any time. If you do have a hard time concentrating, this is so incredibly overwhelming that it's difficult to process anything else going on at the moment.
Afterwards, physically, I felt a little strange. I've heard that when left in place for too long, the magic wand can create numbness, but it wasn't exactly numbness that I felt. Instead, I felt incredibly swollen, overheated, soaking wet, and exhausted. Physically, it was as though we'd been going at it for hours and hours, when I knew in reality it hadn't been very long at all (the thing works quick!). I didn't think I could handle another orgasm at that point without turning into a babbling, incoherent idiot (then again, maybe I was already there... it can be hard to tell in that moment). I do know that I might have cried if it had been turned back onto me at that point.
But I can't wait to do it again.
I think that it is a remarkable tool for forced orgasms. During one of the "torture" phases, when I was overly sensitive and the wand remained in place, I came exhaustively hard - another one of those last-category-of-orgasm orgasms - and it almost felt as though it were being ripped through my body instead of my body conducting the waves of pleasure. It was a very out-of-control feeling that I absolutely loved.
I had heard some talk about how loud the vibrator was, including some talk comparing it to a jackhammer on Fetlife (waves and loves to Chremes and rawr for that one...) but I didn't find it extraordinarily loud or anything. I don't think the neighbors would hear it, but if we had a roommate that might be a different story. It wasn't loud enough for me to find it distracting, at least, but then my mind was kind of occupied at the time, so your mileage may vary. If you're living at home with curious parents or something, you might want to play some music to cover up the noise, as well as the moans and groans and screams of pleasure you'll have a hard time controlling under this thing's influence.
I think it was well worth the price, and will see a lot of play in our house. I love that it plugs in instead of using batteries; we seemed to always have the bad luck that whatever toy we wanted to play with had dead batteries in it, which meant interrupting a scene to look for that giant costco pack of batteries that we had trouble finding storage for. Finally, at the back of the pantry or on top of the bathroom cabinet we'd come up with a pack of 40 AAAs and 34 Cs to find we needed four AAs for this particular toy. Ugh. By then we'd both have lost our groove. Since this plugs into the wall, there's no last minute scramble, and even better, there's no dying of vibration as the battery runs out just as you're approaching orgasm. I swear, some of my old toys were sadistic in and of themselves.
This would be a great toy for the solo/single player, but can also have great benefits for playing in pairs. What an incentive for giving a great blow job! I can't wait to try it during a flogging or spanking, too. Overall, a terrific investment and a fabulous add to the toy box.
Another excellent Hogtied production with the wand:
Orgasmegeddon brought to you by KeezMovies.com
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Wednesday, 8 June 2011
Technique Tuesday: Permission to Go
A form of something like this has come up for us a few times in our relationship. In your every day life there aren't many things that are as necessary as using the bathroom. Having to get permission before doing such can be almost as extreme as getting permission to breathe - because there really is a point where you either have to do it, or something bad is going to happen.
I don't remember exactly how things turned out in the past - I do remember that it didn't go well, and for a while I just assumed it was something that wasn't going to work for us. Then, one day, my girl brought it up again as something we should try integrating into our dynamic. Generally I'm always up to attempting control over another part of her life.
I had to think about it though, since I'd be the one 'in charge' I had to come up with the rules and protocol that we were going to follow and make it something that we could both live with. I always try to keep things simple, so our rules are the same way. If we're in the same room she has to ask me to leave it. At home she always has to ask to go to the bathroom even if we're in separate rooms. If we're chatting on messenger she has to ask me to leave the computer - after 15 minutes if she hasn't gotten an answer she has permission to go because I'm obviously busy.
Why?
Well there are always multiple reasons - the main one for me is the control. Any time I can withhold permission for her to do something is another time I can exercise my control over her and have her show her submission to my will. I think something a lot of people miss because of the huge sexual focus is that (especially) D/s doesn't have to have anything to do with sex.
With that control I get a reaction - that reaction can either be relief and gratitude because I've given permission, or it can shock and indignation when I refuse. Interestingly saying 'no' brings about a 'how dare you' kind of reaction more often than not. Usually followed by an exasperated huff. I find it cute, which I think makes her even more exasperated.
I've noticed that depending on what we're doing that desperation of 'I MUST' go right -now- seems to come on at different speeds. Putting her on a clock really doesn't do much good. So far I'm still trying to get a 'feel' for how things go, since it hasn't been that long since we started again I haven't started to probe too deeply into this yet.
Also - I admit that I have to keep my amusement contained after flipping over to my MSN window at work and seeing a string of messages over a 15 minute span of time that move from 'asking' quickly into 'begging' then 'desperation' as she realizes that no matter what she says I'm probably not going to come back in time to tell her to go and shes going to have to wait.
The sexual arousal thing from pressing on the G-spot doesn't really dominate my thinking. I see it as a side effect and mild benefit. I didn't even know anything about it until my girl mentioned omorashi to me - I think that's actually what started the conversation in the first place.
How's it work?
I touched on things briefly - normally face to face there is the 'surprise' that I say 'no'. Now I say no just to get the face (guess my secret is going to be out on that one now). I still find it kind of funny that this is something she asked for and when I exercise the control (rather than just giving instant permission) she get that 'I want to cross my arms and tap my foot' body language going.
Again - I haven't tested the limits much (at least not on purpose). The other day she got pretty desperate while waiting for the 15 minutes while I was at work (she'd waited too long to ask in the first place). The problem with testing limits is I'm not really interested in cleaning up accidents, and I don't want her to get cramps from holding it in too long. Neither of those things are fun, or sexy. Well ... accidents might happen, but that would be a specific instance, and not something I'd want as a 'real' accident. Also - when you think about it - a lot of the time you're going to the bathroom before doing an activity, and making her wait is also making me wait to perform said activity (going out to dinner, or for a walk, having sex).
It can be a trip, but it's a double 'hit' for me. I love control, and I love desperation and begging. If you're like me, this is definitely something you should take a look at.
Read Her View for more information
I don't remember exactly how things turned out in the past - I do remember that it didn't go well, and for a while I just assumed it was something that wasn't going to work for us. Then, one day, my girl brought it up again as something we should try integrating into our dynamic. Generally I'm always up to attempting control over another part of her life.
I had to think about it though, since I'd be the one 'in charge' I had to come up with the rules and protocol that we were going to follow and make it something that we could both live with. I always try to keep things simple, so our rules are the same way. If we're in the same room she has to ask me to leave it. At home she always has to ask to go to the bathroom even if we're in separate rooms. If we're chatting on messenger she has to ask me to leave the computer - after 15 minutes if she hasn't gotten an answer she has permission to go because I'm obviously busy.Why?
Well there are always multiple reasons - the main one for me is the control. Any time I can withhold permission for her to do something is another time I can exercise my control over her and have her show her submission to my will. I think something a lot of people miss because of the huge sexual focus is that (especially) D/s doesn't have to have anything to do with sex.
With that control I get a reaction - that reaction can either be relief and gratitude because I've given permission, or it can shock and indignation when I refuse. Interestingly saying 'no' brings about a 'how dare you' kind of reaction more often than not. Usually followed by an exasperated huff. I find it cute, which I think makes her even more exasperated.
I've noticed that depending on what we're doing that desperation of 'I MUST' go right -now- seems to come on at different speeds. Putting her on a clock really doesn't do much good. So far I'm still trying to get a 'feel' for how things go, since it hasn't been that long since we started again I haven't started to probe too deeply into this yet.
Also - I admit that I have to keep my amusement contained after flipping over to my MSN window at work and seeing a string of messages over a 15 minute span of time that move from 'asking' quickly into 'begging' then 'desperation' as she realizes that no matter what she says I'm probably not going to come back in time to tell her to go and shes going to have to wait.
The sexual arousal thing from pressing on the G-spot doesn't really dominate my thinking. I see it as a side effect and mild benefit. I didn't even know anything about it until my girl mentioned omorashi to me - I think that's actually what started the conversation in the first place.
How's it work?
I touched on things briefly - normally face to face there is the 'surprise' that I say 'no'. Now I say no just to get the face (guess my secret is going to be out on that one now). I still find it kind of funny that this is something she asked for and when I exercise the control (rather than just giving instant permission) she get that 'I want to cross my arms and tap my foot' body language going.
Again - I haven't tested the limits much (at least not on purpose). The other day she got pretty desperate while waiting for the 15 minutes while I was at work (she'd waited too long to ask in the first place). The problem with testing limits is I'm not really interested in cleaning up accidents, and I don't want her to get cramps from holding it in too long. Neither of those things are fun, or sexy. Well ... accidents might happen, but that would be a specific instance, and not something I'd want as a 'real' accident. Also - when you think about it - a lot of the time you're going to the bathroom before doing an activity, and making her wait is also making me wait to perform said activity (going out to dinner, or for a walk, having sex).
It can be a trip, but it's a double 'hit' for me. I love control, and I love desperation and begging. If you're like me, this is definitely something you should take a look at.
Read Her View for more information
Tuesday, 7 June 2011
Technique Tuesday: Bathroom Use Control
One of the most intimate activities of humans is that which takes place in the bathroom. We close doors for a reason. Potty training reinforces the control we're to have in this area, and as we learn to become self-sufficient human beings, we begin to control our own bathroom use and the privacy therein.
Unless.
Unless of course, you are a slave, who hands all decisions over to her Master, and he decides that he'd like to use control over your bathroom use as one way to assert his ownership over you.
To be fair, this is actually something I requested in our lives. It is, to me, a very intimate way of connecting to your slave, and to her animal instincts and urges. As a pet owner, I control when my dog gets to go outside to do her business; if I'm busy, even if she asks nicely, she may have to wait a few minutes. Why should it be any different for me, as a slave animal, when my owner is around?
Our rules around bathroom use are simple; if we are in the same room, I must ask to leave the room (which includes going to the bathroom), if he is home, I must ask to use the bathroom, and if we have messenger open on the computer while he is at work, I must ask to use the bathroom. In the case of him being at work, if there is no answer, I am to wait fifteen minutes and then go. Sometimes I wait longer, just because I'd rather wait for him to return. Sometimes, if I am involved in something and don't ask until the need is urgent, that fifteen minutes is pure agony.
So, what's fun about it?
Well, other than the basics of being controlled, squirming desperate begging girls are one of my Master's biggest turn-ons. Sometimes I think he loves seeing the ever-more-desperate messages on IM when I really have to go and he's away working. (I like to beg the fifteen minutes away just in case he comes back to have mercy early). The visual aspect, in person, is not to be easily dismissed either. Wriggling around and squeezing your thighs together can look remarkably similar to sexual arousal in some respects.
Desperation can come on quickly or slowly, depending on how much liquid has been consumed, and of course a slave is very vulnerable to torture when in this position, either by being forced to drink more liquid, or by pressing on her already full bladder. It's a great time for humiliation as well, and imagine the horror at being taken out in public while incredibly desperate!
Additionally, a full bladder presses on the interior of the G-spot, so that pressure from an increasingly enlarged and full bladder can cause sexual arousal. Who'd have thought? Well, the Japanese for one, who have a whole fetish, omorashi, revolving around women with full bladders. They have a game show about it, where girls compete to hold out the longest, and it has a huge anime/manga subculture attached to it. Just think, all those desperate girls who only need to find the right Dom to beg for their release from! Oh, bathroom release of course. We'll have to talk about begging for the other kind of release another time.
So, what's it like in practice?
It can be intense. It can be a big turn-on, though it's hard for me to define whether it's giving over control that sets my motor humming or whether it's the physical sensation of that press on the G-spot. There is definitely some sort of physical component involved, though it may be friction from all the squirming and the concentration on muscle control. I don't enjoy holding it so long that I end up with cramps, or so long that I completely lose control, though who knows if Master will push me that far some day. The thought both frightens and excites me.
It's important to be aware that if you are prone to frequent kidney or bladder infections, have a UTI, or kidney disease, or any other disorder where holding your urine could cause medical problems that bathroom use control is not for you. Like any other BDSM activity, your own mental and physical health should come before kink. It helps if you do regular kegel exercises, which will greatly increase both your control and your comfort.
If you're unsure, give it a try on a limited basis. It might be your thing, and you might like that squirmy intensity.
Read His View for more information
Unless.
Unless of course, you are a slave, who hands all decisions over to her Master, and he decides that he'd like to use control over your bathroom use as one way to assert his ownership over you.
To be fair, this is actually something I requested in our lives. It is, to me, a very intimate way of connecting to your slave, and to her animal instincts and urges. As a pet owner, I control when my dog gets to go outside to do her business; if I'm busy, even if she asks nicely, she may have to wait a few minutes. Why should it be any different for me, as a slave animal, when my owner is around?
Our rules around bathroom use are simple; if we are in the same room, I must ask to leave the room (which includes going to the bathroom), if he is home, I must ask to use the bathroom, and if we have messenger open on the computer while he is at work, I must ask to use the bathroom. In the case of him being at work, if there is no answer, I am to wait fifteen minutes and then go. Sometimes I wait longer, just because I'd rather wait for him to return. Sometimes, if I am involved in something and don't ask until the need is urgent, that fifteen minutes is pure agony.
So, what's fun about it?
Well, other than the basics of being controlled, squirming desperate begging girls are one of my Master's biggest turn-ons. Sometimes I think he loves seeing the ever-more-desperate messages on IM when I really have to go and he's away working. (I like to beg the fifteen minutes away just in case he comes back to have mercy early). The visual aspect, in person, is not to be easily dismissed either. Wriggling around and squeezing your thighs together can look remarkably similar to sexual arousal in some respects.Desperation can come on quickly or slowly, depending on how much liquid has been consumed, and of course a slave is very vulnerable to torture when in this position, either by being forced to drink more liquid, or by pressing on her already full bladder. It's a great time for humiliation as well, and imagine the horror at being taken out in public while incredibly desperate!
So, what's it like in practice?
It can be intense. It can be a big turn-on, though it's hard for me to define whether it's giving over control that sets my motor humming or whether it's the physical sensation of that press on the G-spot. There is definitely some sort of physical component involved, though it may be friction from all the squirming and the concentration on muscle control. I don't enjoy holding it so long that I end up with cramps, or so long that I completely lose control, though who knows if Master will push me that far some day. The thought both frightens and excites me.
It's important to be aware that if you are prone to frequent kidney or bladder infections, have a UTI, or kidney disease, or any other disorder where holding your urine could cause medical problems that bathroom use control is not for you. Like any other BDSM activity, your own mental and physical health should come before kink. It helps if you do regular kegel exercises, which will greatly increase both your control and your comfort.
If you're unsure, give it a try on a limited basis. It might be your thing, and you might like that squirmy intensity.
Read His View for more information
Monday, 6 June 2011
Weekend Musings: The Local Public Scene
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