For me the love that I share with my girl is so integral to our relationship sometimes I'm surprised when people talk about their BDSM relationships that are so casual. I don't know if I could do the same kind of things casually that I do in a committed relationship.
Is love a requirement for D/s or M/s to work?
Before I started learning I would have said 'yes' because that was my own experience. I just couldn't do this if I didn't care about the other person - maybe love was too strong of a word, but I wouldn't collar/own a person that I didn't love. Of course I started doing the Gorean thing, so that puts me in kind of a different boat. I really knew nothing about BDSM in general until I got more serious with my current slave, so after her I haven't had any other relationships.
From how I see things now ... yeah I can see it working for D/s, but I still can't see 'part time' M/s. I guess this will depend on where you draw the line and how you distinguish these kind of labels.
Just so you know where I'm coming from -- (Keep in mind these are off the cuff personal definitions and are in no way meant to label anyone else or enforce my views on other people)
I define D/s as either a part time, or casual relationship. Both parties have requirements and get together to 'play'. Play can extend over long periods of time. Couples who classify themselves as 'vanilla' part of the time fit in here with me as well. Like they're putting on a role and 'doing' something at the time.
I define M/s as a long term committed relationship. People who likely live together, or at least see each other regularly. These people don't 'turn off' or begin 'play' sessions - when they are together they are 'inside' their M/s dynamic.
So from my above definitions you can see how D/s might fit into a more casual 'I care about you' or 'friendship' kind of relationship.
I still can't separate long term intimacy and 'love' though. I suppose I don't see an M/s relationship as existing without intimacy, because of everything that is entails. Complete surrender on the part of the submissive and complete control on the part of the Dominant. In that type of relationship the communication and caring has to be strong on both sides just to survive.
Maybe I should say a 'long term' M/s relationship requires love - so many relationships burn out quickly that perhaps that is the secret for long term happiness.
Does romance hurt the dynamic?
Well - no. I suppose if I didn't care if she was happy then I wouldn't care about romance. I'm not sure what 'hurt' is caused by me liking to see her smile. If a romantic gesture accomplishes that smile what is the problem? Does she come to expect those things? I would hope not, though if she gave me a hard time because I didn't do something romantic we might be having a discussion - this doesn't include things that are important for other reasons (anniversaries, birthdays, etc).
I suppose this is where I have put another disclaimer. I feel this way because I believe it is my job to take care of her (both mentally and physically), and not just use her for my own benefit. Part of my role is controlling and guiding, and part of it is care-taking. I suppose this makes it easier for me to give her what she 'wants' - but really if there isn't a benefit for me in denying her something, what is the true point? Just because I can? Yeah I do that, but not all the time, that's just silly.
What is love really?
Love is when you care enough about someone that their happiness is just as important as your own. In this way making them happy and fulfilling them makes you happy and fulfills you in return.
Love also involves trust. M/s relationships revolve around trust. Love requires communication - so do M/s relationships. You can see where I'm going with this ... things are so integral that it's natural to have them together.
What is love to me?
We have been through rough spots in our lives. Because I love her I've been there for her and together we've been able to work through things. I feel that together we are stronger than we would be apart.
I have a lover, a friend, someone to care for me when I'm sick or down, someone to encourage me and keep me on track - in many ways I have a partner that will share my life with me.
Does this affect our M/s Relationship?
Duh. But I believe it affects it in a positive way, not a negative one. She knows her place in our relationship, and if she pushed it I'd still be 'strong' enough to show her. I don't think being in love weakens your dominance, it can only make it stronger (more tools in the toolbox).
Just to finish with a romantic gesture - I wouldn't trade our lives for anything.
Read Her View for more information
Showing posts with label His View. Show all posts
Showing posts with label His View. Show all posts
Monday, 20 June 2011
Friday, 17 June 2011
Review Thursday: DIY Rope Flogger
A while ago my girl found some online directions for making rope floggers. Cool stuff actually, it wasn't a material I would have expected to use for that. Since I have my own love of rope this seemed double great for me.
We went to Totem and spent about $20 on supplies. Finding the rope wasn't any trouble (braided cotton), but it took forever to finally locate the solid rings that had been recommended. We ended up finding them and probably bought ones that are a bit too large, but it was better to have too big rather than too small. I think everything was less than $20, so definitely a good deal.
Put together they actually looked pretty cool. I know I expressed my reservations about the knotted ends when I saw them, since I'm the one that actually throws the flogger I know how it ends up landing. Much of the 'thwack' comes from the ends, especially when you're working high on the back near the shoulders, or on the bottom directly from behind. She assured me that this was how the directions had explained things.
Well the other day I decided that a good flogging was in order - I'm sure you know how that goes, sometimes you are just in the mood for it. Since these new rope floggers are all we currently have it was time to break them in.
I decided to start with the heavier rope, the lighter looked like it would be stingier and better for use later on. I'd practiced a bit with these so I knew what to expect throwing them. I landed a few (what I considered) light blows and she was already yelling. I could tell from the sound that the knots were landing quite harshly on her skin. This wasn't really the kind of sensation I wanted to start off with.
I continued working with it, giving liberal breaks. Her skin started to redden in small little dotted patches, which really proved what was causing the impact on her skin. During this first process she was quite wiggly and I could tell it wasn't all 'fun' for her. Finally when I had properly leathered her skin she seemed to relax and enjoy it. At that point I assume the sensation must have changed to something more comfortable and the 'thuddy' impact was more enjoyable.
I also found a good use for the tufted ends of the rope flogger, they'd frayed to a point where they felt like small cotton balls, which made her shiver nicely when I worked them across her red skin.
I tried to 'spank' her with the flogger as well, but it wasn't well suited for that. The tips are too heavy with the knots to snap properly. Using it across her bottom worked but again the knots landed more solidly, so to get an even sensation I would have to keep changing sides I was beating her from.
I broke out the smaller flogger about half way through. It was more easily controlled, but even light strokes with it caused her to jump and cry out. I didn't try to push it too far since she'd had a hard enough time warming up to begin with. I'll break it out again for a full try another day when I have something else to warm her up with.
During the use I found that it performed well. It flew and stayed together until it landed and splayed. I managed to get a good rhythm going in multiple permutations. Having the rings at the end was actually a nice benefit for some situations.
I'm not sure how the handles were created exactly but the woven grips worked wonderfully to keep it from slipping. It was also solid enough to give me the control I needed to properly throw it. Overall it was a fantastic project, and I'm quite happy that she found it and took the initiative.
Read Her View for more information.
We went to Totem and spent about $20 on supplies. Finding the rope wasn't any trouble (braided cotton), but it took forever to finally locate the solid rings that had been recommended. We ended up finding them and probably bought ones that are a bit too large, but it was better to have too big rather than too small. I think everything was less than $20, so definitely a good deal.
Put together they actually looked pretty cool. I know I expressed my reservations about the knotted ends when I saw them, since I'm the one that actually throws the flogger I know how it ends up landing. Much of the 'thwack' comes from the ends, especially when you're working high on the back near the shoulders, or on the bottom directly from behind. She assured me that this was how the directions had explained things.
Well the other day I decided that a good flogging was in order - I'm sure you know how that goes, sometimes you are just in the mood for it. Since these new rope floggers are all we currently have it was time to break them in.I decided to start with the heavier rope, the lighter looked like it would be stingier and better for use later on. I'd practiced a bit with these so I knew what to expect throwing them. I landed a few (what I considered) light blows and she was already yelling. I could tell from the sound that the knots were landing quite harshly on her skin. This wasn't really the kind of sensation I wanted to start off with.
I continued working with it, giving liberal breaks. Her skin started to redden in small little dotted patches, which really proved what was causing the impact on her skin. During this first process she was quite wiggly and I could tell it wasn't all 'fun' for her. Finally when I had properly leathered her skin she seemed to relax and enjoy it. At that point I assume the sensation must have changed to something more comfortable and the 'thuddy' impact was more enjoyable.
I also found a good use for the tufted ends of the rope flogger, they'd frayed to a point where they felt like small cotton balls, which made her shiver nicely when I worked them across her red skin.
I tried to 'spank' her with the flogger as well, but it wasn't well suited for that. The tips are too heavy with the knots to snap properly. Using it across her bottom worked but again the knots landed more solidly, so to get an even sensation I would have to keep changing sides I was beating her from.
I broke out the smaller flogger about half way through. It was more easily controlled, but even light strokes with it caused her to jump and cry out. I didn't try to push it too far since she'd had a hard enough time warming up to begin with. I'll break it out again for a full try another day when I have something else to warm her up with.
During the use I found that it performed well. It flew and stayed together until it landed and splayed. I managed to get a good rhythm going in multiple permutations. Having the rings at the end was actually a nice benefit for some situations.
I'm not sure how the handles were created exactly but the woven grips worked wonderfully to keep it from slipping. It was also solid enough to give me the control I needed to properly throw it. Overall it was a fantastic project, and I'm quite happy that she found it and took the initiative.
Read Her View for more information.
Thursday, 16 June 2011
Technique Tuesday: Beat the Feet
I learned something new this week, which is always a good thing. I don't think I've mentioned it on here, but I grew up reading the Gor series by John Norman. It shaped a lot of my views on life in general and I still identify partly as a 'Gorean'. Well, while doing some searching about this topic my girl discovered that Bastinado was actually used on Gor - I had no idea (or likely at the time reading it I had no idea what the word meant so it didn't stick in my head).
So - that's my cool T. trivia for the week.
Onto the real topic - Beating Feet.
For us this was a long process. When we first met she wouldn't even let me look at her feet, let alone touch them. Beating them was like some kind of crazy fantasy that was likely never going to come true.
Just like with everything else, taking it slow and working up to things is how you get it done. I was actually kind of disappointed at first because I'd actually learned that feet can be a big erogenous zone for women and I'd practiced enough that I could give pretty killer foot massages (with ulterior motives). So - to begin I started by explaining all that, then worked on her letting me touch them, then onto rubbing. As a side note she has the most ticklish feet ever and it is 'very' hard to resist absolutely torturing her by tickling them all the time.
I think after the first 'real' foot massage I had her convinced, and since then she's been less skittish about me being near them. I'm not sure that they're 'innocent' feet any longer, but she still claims that they are whenever I 'abuse' them.
Like many things, this was a topic she actually brought up. While I push her limits I usually wait for her to accept that new boundary and come up with her own ideas so she moves forward at her own pace. I'm not sure exactly where this idea came up and she actually had to explain it to me, but once I got the idea in my head it definitely became my own.
Caning of the feet - how to start? With a cane of course. First problem ... she is way too ticklish for 'light' caning. She burst out in giggles and was kicking madly. We ended up putting on a pair of really thick socks and working from there. Also for the first few sessions I had to hold her feet down (or tie them) pretty tightly to prevent kicking and flailing.
We progressed into thinner socks, then finally onto bare feet. It wasn't actually a long process, after every other session or so we advanced a bit further - I think she got more comfortable with it over time and could just enjoy the sensations.
Since we had a decent toy box (back in the past) I didn't limit myself to just caning her feet. I've used floggers, slappers, wooden spoons - quite a few things actually on her feet. Nothing seems to give the same effect or control as a cane does though. I also particularly like the bouncy effect an acrylic cane has. It's almost a fluid movement moving my wrist back and forth while it warps and bends a bit, letting the momentum take some of the effort.
In actual practice there are a ton of different ways to actually perform bastinado. I'll focus on the cane, since that's what I use most often - with feet being small it's easier to control the blows with something a bit smaller.
Just like using a cane on other parts I'm sure most of the technique is the same. Most of the force comes either from my wrist, or from the cane itself.
Rapid blows are performed by quickly flicking the wrist and letting the cane 'bounce' on the skin. Since the canes are often slightly springy (unless they're huge), taking advantage of their momentum lets you create more force without putting out a lot of effort.
Harder and more solid blows can be performed by using a faster flick of the wrist and at the same time trying to press the crop through the skin so it doesn't rebound back.
Using the center of the cane usually has more spring than using the tip. In fact the tip can cause a more direct and forceful blow to a small area, since it is the center that flexes the tip will hit solidly and stay firmly in place after the blow (I've noticed this becomes thuddier rather than stingyier).
I also make longer and more widely timed blows by using my whole arm and letting the weight of the cane cause the impact rather than the energy from my wrist. The same kind of technique you use when flogging works here. Some lighter canes still require force to land solidly.
Depending on your partner there is also a difference between striking both feet at once, or one at a time. Often it's difficult to line them up properly unless they're tied, and even then your partner will likely try to hide one under the other. I've found that I have to hold them with one hand and strike with the other. There isn't a 'better' way of course, by striking one at a time you can get inside your partner's head, they never really know where the blows are going to land so it makes it harder to protect one (or both) of the feet.
Since this often mixes two of my favorite past times (bondage and impact play) it is definitely one of my favorite activities. If you haven't tried it, start with a light tapping and see how that feels, then go from there. I think it would be worth your while.
Read Her View for more information
So - that's my cool T. trivia for the week.
Onto the real topic - Beating Feet.
For us this was a long process. When we first met she wouldn't even let me look at her feet, let alone touch them. Beating them was like some kind of crazy fantasy that was likely never going to come true.
Just like with everything else, taking it slow and working up to things is how you get it done. I was actually kind of disappointed at first because I'd actually learned that feet can be a big erogenous zone for women and I'd practiced enough that I could give pretty killer foot massages (with ulterior motives). So - to begin I started by explaining all that, then worked on her letting me touch them, then onto rubbing. As a side note she has the most ticklish feet ever and it is 'very' hard to resist absolutely torturing her by tickling them all the time.
 |
| Kitty Demo Bottom |
I think after the first 'real' foot massage I had her convinced, and since then she's been less skittish about me being near them. I'm not sure that they're 'innocent' feet any longer, but she still claims that they are whenever I 'abuse' them.
Like many things, this was a topic she actually brought up. While I push her limits I usually wait for her to accept that new boundary and come up with her own ideas so she moves forward at her own pace. I'm not sure exactly where this idea came up and she actually had to explain it to me, but once I got the idea in my head it definitely became my own.
Caning of the feet - how to start? With a cane of course. First problem ... she is way too ticklish for 'light' caning. She burst out in giggles and was kicking madly. We ended up putting on a pair of really thick socks and working from there. Also for the first few sessions I had to hold her feet down (or tie them) pretty tightly to prevent kicking and flailing.
We progressed into thinner socks, then finally onto bare feet. It wasn't actually a long process, after every other session or so we advanced a bit further - I think she got more comfortable with it over time and could just enjoy the sensations.
Since we had a decent toy box (back in the past) I didn't limit myself to just caning her feet. I've used floggers, slappers, wooden spoons - quite a few things actually on her feet. Nothing seems to give the same effect or control as a cane does though. I also particularly like the bouncy effect an acrylic cane has. It's almost a fluid movement moving my wrist back and forth while it warps and bends a bit, letting the momentum take some of the effort.
In actual practice there are a ton of different ways to actually perform bastinado. I'll focus on the cane, since that's what I use most often - with feet being small it's easier to control the blows with something a bit smaller.
Just like using a cane on other parts I'm sure most of the technique is the same. Most of the force comes either from my wrist, or from the cane itself.
Rapid blows are performed by quickly flicking the wrist and letting the cane 'bounce' on the skin. Since the canes are often slightly springy (unless they're huge), taking advantage of their momentum lets you create more force without putting out a lot of effort.
Harder and more solid blows can be performed by using a faster flick of the wrist and at the same time trying to press the crop through the skin so it doesn't rebound back.
 |
| Do you see the blissed look on her face? |
Using the center of the cane usually has more spring than using the tip. In fact the tip can cause a more direct and forceful blow to a small area, since it is the center that flexes the tip will hit solidly and stay firmly in place after the blow (I've noticed this becomes thuddier rather than stingyier).
I also make longer and more widely timed blows by using my whole arm and letting the weight of the cane cause the impact rather than the energy from my wrist. The same kind of technique you use when flogging works here. Some lighter canes still require force to land solidly.
Depending on your partner there is also a difference between striking both feet at once, or one at a time. Often it's difficult to line them up properly unless they're tied, and even then your partner will likely try to hide one under the other. I've found that I have to hold them with one hand and strike with the other. There isn't a 'better' way of course, by striking one at a time you can get inside your partner's head, they never really know where the blows are going to land so it makes it harder to protect one (or both) of the feet.
Since this often mixes two of my favorite past times (bondage and impact play) it is definitely one of my favorite activities. If you haven't tried it, start with a light tapping and see how that feels, then go from there. I think it would be worth your while.
Read Her View for more information
Monday, 13 June 2011
Weekend Musings: Making Choices
Since I'm off this week I feel entitled to write my weekend post on Monday. This has nothing to do with the topic, I just have been enjoying my staycation.
I was actually pleasantly surprised about our topic this week. When we discuss these things I can lay down the 'law' so to speak but it's nice to see inside her head and know how she 'took' it and what she's doing to follow the law.
So - down to it. Taking away my decision making prowess. I'm damn good at making decisions, you suggest a problem for me and I can give you an answer. So what does that have to do with a D/s relationship? Well, my girl has agreed to hand me all her major decisions. This is just another way she is subjugated to my will. Remember I talk about control? Well what better way is there to control someone than to not allow them to make their own final decisions.
Don't get me wrong, I want her to be self sufficient in some ways and to make her own minor decisions. It just becomes work if I have to decide everything for her - some micromanagement people get off on that, so don't think that my way is the only way. Back on topic ... over time we've evolved this 'asking' process so that she knows what to ask for and what to just do on her own (getting a drink of water is done on her own, deciding what clothing to wear out of the house is approved by me).
That's the control background, now the 'asking' background.
She has always had a problem when she thinks she is being a 'burden' on me. Which basically means any time she wants to ask for something she doesn't because she just wants to make my life easier and not require anything of me. This is good in a way, I mean it's her personality meshing so well with mine that makes us get along. The problem I have is that often I never know what she is thinking/feeling/wanting at any given time. We've been together for 10 years, so I can read her pretty well, but I'm not telepathic.
When does this become a problem? When I don't necessarily have a 'preference' at any given time.
Ex: Often this occurs when we are shopping and she will stand in one place and look directly at something for a long time. Normally when she is admiring things she will touch them and look more closely, but when she 'really' wants something it's like she's afraid to touch it.
It took a while but I discovered what this actually meant and now I use that as her 'signal' for non-verbally asking for things and will make the choice on whether to purchase it or not in that moment.
Now if you look at the above, I don't really care one way or another if I get this particular item for her. Without her indicating her interest I would never know that she actually wanted the item. If she didn't indicate her interest so that I could get it for her how would I know? In effect, if she doesn't ask me she is automatically forcing me to answer 'no'. I do say 'no', but I also say 'yes' - that is my choice.
Think of it this way, pretend someone asks you something like 'How do you like the weather?' then immediately says 'Oh, you like it just fine'. Would you appreciate being told how you felt?
Now ...
For a long time we've gone on like that, I would tell her that her opinions and requests were important to me and that she should tell me what is going on in he head (that is a whole different topic, she also had issues just indicating preference or discussing what was going on in there). I'd almost gotten to the point that I had accepted it wasn't going to change and that sometimes/often she would feel bad because in her head I had refused her requests for things.
Then, not long ago we were having a discussion about choices and it hit me. What she was really doing was taking away my ability to choose for her. By internalizing the discussion in her head and not including me she was preventing me from exercising my will on her. I think this finally hit a chord with her and made sense. It wasn't just that it was 'important' that she tell me these things, it was critical, because in a (weird) way she was controlling me by not letting me make my own decisions. She was also creating a tension and maybe even an unhappiness in her every day life that wasn't necessary and could lead to larger problems in the future.
How it's going?
Things are changing slowly, I have noticed a dramatic increase in her vocalizing things that are on her mind. She has requests, preferences, and asks for things now that before I couldn't drag out of her. I know this is difficult for her and I'm proud that she is making such a conscious effort. I am hoping that the 'effort' won't be required for long, and soon it will become habit rather than forced.
Is this something you see in your own relationship? Are you controlling like I am? Maybe this is a new way to bring up an old subject for you as well. Let me know if this works out for you as well as it worked out for me.
Read Her View for more information
I was actually pleasantly surprised about our topic this week. When we discuss these things I can lay down the 'law' so to speak but it's nice to see inside her head and know how she 'took' it and what she's doing to follow the law.
So - down to it. Taking away my decision making prowess. I'm damn good at making decisions, you suggest a problem for me and I can give you an answer. So what does that have to do with a D/s relationship? Well, my girl has agreed to hand me all her major decisions. This is just another way she is subjugated to my will. Remember I talk about control? Well what better way is there to control someone than to not allow them to make their own final decisions.
Don't get me wrong, I want her to be self sufficient in some ways and to make her own minor decisions. It just becomes work if I have to decide everything for her - some micromanagement people get off on that, so don't think that my way is the only way. Back on topic ... over time we've evolved this 'asking' process so that she knows what to ask for and what to just do on her own (getting a drink of water is done on her own, deciding what clothing to wear out of the house is approved by me).
That's the control background, now the 'asking' background.
She has always had a problem when she thinks she is being a 'burden' on me. Which basically means any time she wants to ask for something she doesn't because she just wants to make my life easier and not require anything of me. This is good in a way, I mean it's her personality meshing so well with mine that makes us get along. The problem I have is that often I never know what she is thinking/feeling/wanting at any given time. We've been together for 10 years, so I can read her pretty well, but I'm not telepathic.
When does this become a problem? When I don't necessarily have a 'preference' at any given time.
Ex: Often this occurs when we are shopping and she will stand in one place and look directly at something for a long time. Normally when she is admiring things she will touch them and look more closely, but when she 'really' wants something it's like she's afraid to touch it.
It took a while but I discovered what this actually meant and now I use that as her 'signal' for non-verbally asking for things and will make the choice on whether to purchase it or not in that moment.
Now if you look at the above, I don't really care one way or another if I get this particular item for her. Without her indicating her interest I would never know that she actually wanted the item. If she didn't indicate her interest so that I could get it for her how would I know? In effect, if she doesn't ask me she is automatically forcing me to answer 'no'. I do say 'no', but I also say 'yes' - that is my choice.
Think of it this way, pretend someone asks you something like 'How do you like the weather?' then immediately says 'Oh, you like it just fine'. Would you appreciate being told how you felt?
Now ...
For a long time we've gone on like that, I would tell her that her opinions and requests were important to me and that she should tell me what is going on in he head (that is a whole different topic, she also had issues just indicating preference or discussing what was going on in there). I'd almost gotten to the point that I had accepted it wasn't going to change and that sometimes/often she would feel bad because in her head I had refused her requests for things.
Then, not long ago we were having a discussion about choices and it hit me. What she was really doing was taking away my ability to choose for her. By internalizing the discussion in her head and not including me she was preventing me from exercising my will on her. I think this finally hit a chord with her and made sense. It wasn't just that it was 'important' that she tell me these things, it was critical, because in a (weird) way she was controlling me by not letting me make my own decisions. She was also creating a tension and maybe even an unhappiness in her every day life that wasn't necessary and could lead to larger problems in the future.
How it's going?
Things are changing slowly, I have noticed a dramatic increase in her vocalizing things that are on her mind. She has requests, preferences, and asks for things now that before I couldn't drag out of her. I know this is difficult for her and I'm proud that she is making such a conscious effort. I am hoping that the 'effort' won't be required for long, and soon it will become habit rather than forced.
Is this something you see in your own relationship? Are you controlling like I am? Maybe this is a new way to bring up an old subject for you as well. Let me know if this works out for you as well as it worked out for me.
Read Her View for more information
Friday, 10 June 2011
Review Thursday: Hitachi HV-250 Wand
Lately we've been starting to rebuild our toy collection. Part of the rebuilding has included an order from Pink Cherry that we've been reviewing the last few weeks. This week I broke out the wand that my girl has been asking about for years. We've never had one, and at the price we found I couldn't pass it up. Everyone says it's the best vibrator that has ever existed.
So the order finally arrived ( a day early actually, I love actually ordering from Canadian companies ). I left it sitting in the box out in the open for my girl to lust after. She has this thing about wanting to open things right away, her patience is non-existent with some things. I use that knowledge to torture the crap out of her. If she hadn't made a good point about making sure everything had arrived safely I probably would have let it sit for a week or so just to drive her nuts.
As I was opening it she came over to lay with her head in my lap so she could get a view of the toys as well. This didn't prove to be a 'great' idea since while I was working on the twist tie holding the cord of the wand together I lost my grip on the wand portion and ended up swinging it like a flail directly at her head. While this may seem like a good idea to some of you other Sadists, I can say without a doubt that it was not designed with this type of 'play' in mind. It is much too top heavy to get the proper rotation for a second swing. If they shortened the handle it might work well (and it does leave a good sized knot/bruise behind).
After that I put everything away and was planning to leave the wand for last. For one, teasing her and knowing how badly she wanted to try it was a bonus. Second ... there is always that niggling worry in the back of your head that some appliance could possibly replace you - or if not replace, do something you are completely incapable of doing. I'm not afraid to admit that after all the hype I was a bit worried that it might give her orgasms that I couldn't duplicate without it. Logically I understand that I'd be the one using it on her, so I'd still be in control of those orgasms, but at the same time it isn't really 'me'.
I won't say I 'wrestled' with that idea, but it made it easier to delay pulling it out for a real use session. I'd also threatened her that when I finally did pull it out I wasn't going to stop until she really begged me to (or passed out). I think this is doubly scary to her because if she waits too long to beg she gets incoherent so the passed out was more likely. Not that she was turned off by this idea, she might also not have believed me 100% - hard to say. Usually I keep my word about stuff like that.
So - enough background, onto playtime.
I'd had a rough day and just wasn't up to 'sex' since my back wasn't co-operating and I was sick. That doesn't always kill my sex drive itself completely, so often I can get my kicks by torturing her instead. I grabbed a few clothespins and the wand, stretched her out on the bed and started to work on her body. I don't think she saw the wand at first - I wanted to tease her a bit before we got really down to business with the wand.
When I had her squirming around on the bed I pulled it out and turned it on. There was a look that ran over her face that was part fear and part anticipation - I love looks like that. I let her get used to the 'low' setting while I rubbed it over her body, then slid it between her legs. I wasn't sure what to expect, but even with all the hype I wasn't let down. Her eyes rolled back and she almost immediately fell over the edge of an orgasm. Awesome.
When she was done I turned it off and gave her a bit of a cool down period before starting up again. I'd say within 30 seconds she was ready to go again. From there I tried varying the intensity (high/low) and pressure (harder/softer). There wasn't really much variation in results. The low setting brought on rapid orgasms, and the high setting was like 'insta-gasm'.
She also gets very sensitive after an orgasm (her clit especially) so leaving the wand on and focusing on her clit with it right after she had just came brought on pain and another orgasm almost immediately. I'm curious to explore and find the point where the pain becomes too much for her and is no longer worth the reward. We'll likely be seeing that in the future, I'll just have to make sure I tie her down first.
True to my word I didn't stop until she begged. I was right though, she was completely incoherent. I only knew she was begging me to stop because 'Master' had turned to 'Daddy' with a slight whine. She admitted afterward that she was begging Daddy to save her from the mean Master - that tickles me.
As a tip for use - don't just leave it sitting in one spot. When I did that the sensation didn't seem to build. Rubbing it both in circles or up and down seemed to do the trick. Also varying the pressure made a difference, the light touch must feel quite different from the firm press.
Read Her View for more information
So the order finally arrived ( a day early actually, I love actually ordering from Canadian companies ). I left it sitting in the box out in the open for my girl to lust after. She has this thing about wanting to open things right away, her patience is non-existent with some things. I use that knowledge to torture the crap out of her. If she hadn't made a good point about making sure everything had arrived safely I probably would have let it sit for a week or so just to drive her nuts.
 |
| Not a flail |
After that I put everything away and was planning to leave the wand for last. For one, teasing her and knowing how badly she wanted to try it was a bonus. Second ... there is always that niggling worry in the back of your head that some appliance could possibly replace you - or if not replace, do something you are completely incapable of doing. I'm not afraid to admit that after all the hype I was a bit worried that it might give her orgasms that I couldn't duplicate without it. Logically I understand that I'd be the one using it on her, so I'd still be in control of those orgasms, but at the same time it isn't really 'me'.
I won't say I 'wrestled' with that idea, but it made it easier to delay pulling it out for a real use session. I'd also threatened her that when I finally did pull it out I wasn't going to stop until she really begged me to (or passed out). I think this is doubly scary to her because if she waits too long to beg she gets incoherent so the passed out was more likely. Not that she was turned off by this idea, she might also not have believed me 100% - hard to say. Usually I keep my word about stuff like that.
So - enough background, onto playtime.
I'd had a rough day and just wasn't up to 'sex' since my back wasn't co-operating and I was sick. That doesn't always kill my sex drive itself completely, so often I can get my kicks by torturing her instead. I grabbed a few clothespins and the wand, stretched her out on the bed and started to work on her body. I don't think she saw the wand at first - I wanted to tease her a bit before we got really down to business with the wand.
When I had her squirming around on the bed I pulled it out and turned it on. There was a look that ran over her face that was part fear and part anticipation - I love looks like that. I let her get used to the 'low' setting while I rubbed it over her body, then slid it between her legs. I wasn't sure what to expect, but even with all the hype I wasn't let down. Her eyes rolled back and she almost immediately fell over the edge of an orgasm. Awesome.
 |
| Bzzzzzzzz |
She also gets very sensitive after an orgasm (her clit especially) so leaving the wand on and focusing on her clit with it right after she had just came brought on pain and another orgasm almost immediately. I'm curious to explore and find the point where the pain becomes too much for her and is no longer worth the reward. We'll likely be seeing that in the future, I'll just have to make sure I tie her down first.
True to my word I didn't stop until she begged. I was right though, she was completely incoherent. I only knew she was begging me to stop because 'Master' had turned to 'Daddy' with a slight whine. She admitted afterward that she was begging Daddy to save her from the mean Master - that tickles me.
As a tip for use - don't just leave it sitting in one spot. When I did that the sensation didn't seem to build. Rubbing it both in circles or up and down seemed to do the trick. Also varying the pressure made a difference, the light touch must feel quite different from the firm press.
Read Her View for more information
Wednesday, 8 June 2011
Technique Tuesday: Permission to Go
A form of something like this has come up for us a few times in our relationship. In your every day life there aren't many things that are as necessary as using the bathroom. Having to get permission before doing such can be almost as extreme as getting permission to breathe - because there really is a point where you either have to do it, or something bad is going to happen.
I don't remember exactly how things turned out in the past - I do remember that it didn't go well, and for a while I just assumed it was something that wasn't going to work for us. Then, one day, my girl brought it up again as something we should try integrating into our dynamic. Generally I'm always up to attempting control over another part of her life.
I had to think about it though, since I'd be the one 'in charge' I had to come up with the rules and protocol that we were going to follow and make it something that we could both live with. I always try to keep things simple, so our rules are the same way. If we're in the same room she has to ask me to leave it. At home she always has to ask to go to the bathroom even if we're in separate rooms. If we're chatting on messenger she has to ask me to leave the computer - after 15 minutes if she hasn't gotten an answer she has permission to go because I'm obviously busy.
Why?
Well there are always multiple reasons - the main one for me is the control. Any time I can withhold permission for her to do something is another time I can exercise my control over her and have her show her submission to my will. I think something a lot of people miss because of the huge sexual focus is that (especially) D/s doesn't have to have anything to do with sex.
With that control I get a reaction - that reaction can either be relief and gratitude because I've given permission, or it can shock and indignation when I refuse. Interestingly saying 'no' brings about a 'how dare you' kind of reaction more often than not. Usually followed by an exasperated huff. I find it cute, which I think makes her even more exasperated.
I've noticed that depending on what we're doing that desperation of 'I MUST' go right -now- seems to come on at different speeds. Putting her on a clock really doesn't do much good. So far I'm still trying to get a 'feel' for how things go, since it hasn't been that long since we started again I haven't started to probe too deeply into this yet.
Also - I admit that I have to keep my amusement contained after flipping over to my MSN window at work and seeing a string of messages over a 15 minute span of time that move from 'asking' quickly into 'begging' then 'desperation' as she realizes that no matter what she says I'm probably not going to come back in time to tell her to go and shes going to have to wait.
The sexual arousal thing from pressing on the G-spot doesn't really dominate my thinking. I see it as a side effect and mild benefit. I didn't even know anything about it until my girl mentioned omorashi to me - I think that's actually what started the conversation in the first place.
How's it work?
I touched on things briefly - normally face to face there is the 'surprise' that I say 'no'. Now I say no just to get the face (guess my secret is going to be out on that one now). I still find it kind of funny that this is something she asked for and when I exercise the control (rather than just giving instant permission) she get that 'I want to cross my arms and tap my foot' body language going.
Again - I haven't tested the limits much (at least not on purpose). The other day she got pretty desperate while waiting for the 15 minutes while I was at work (she'd waited too long to ask in the first place). The problem with testing limits is I'm not really interested in cleaning up accidents, and I don't want her to get cramps from holding it in too long. Neither of those things are fun, or sexy. Well ... accidents might happen, but that would be a specific instance, and not something I'd want as a 'real' accident. Also - when you think about it - a lot of the time you're going to the bathroom before doing an activity, and making her wait is also making me wait to perform said activity (going out to dinner, or for a walk, having sex).
It can be a trip, but it's a double 'hit' for me. I love control, and I love desperation and begging. If you're like me, this is definitely something you should take a look at.
Read Her View for more information
I don't remember exactly how things turned out in the past - I do remember that it didn't go well, and for a while I just assumed it was something that wasn't going to work for us. Then, one day, my girl brought it up again as something we should try integrating into our dynamic. Generally I'm always up to attempting control over another part of her life.
I had to think about it though, since I'd be the one 'in charge' I had to come up with the rules and protocol that we were going to follow and make it something that we could both live with. I always try to keep things simple, so our rules are the same way. If we're in the same room she has to ask me to leave it. At home she always has to ask to go to the bathroom even if we're in separate rooms. If we're chatting on messenger she has to ask me to leave the computer - after 15 minutes if she hasn't gotten an answer she has permission to go because I'm obviously busy.Why?
Well there are always multiple reasons - the main one for me is the control. Any time I can withhold permission for her to do something is another time I can exercise my control over her and have her show her submission to my will. I think something a lot of people miss because of the huge sexual focus is that (especially) D/s doesn't have to have anything to do with sex.
With that control I get a reaction - that reaction can either be relief and gratitude because I've given permission, or it can shock and indignation when I refuse. Interestingly saying 'no' brings about a 'how dare you' kind of reaction more often than not. Usually followed by an exasperated huff. I find it cute, which I think makes her even more exasperated.
I've noticed that depending on what we're doing that desperation of 'I MUST' go right -now- seems to come on at different speeds. Putting her on a clock really doesn't do much good. So far I'm still trying to get a 'feel' for how things go, since it hasn't been that long since we started again I haven't started to probe too deeply into this yet.
Also - I admit that I have to keep my amusement contained after flipping over to my MSN window at work and seeing a string of messages over a 15 minute span of time that move from 'asking' quickly into 'begging' then 'desperation' as she realizes that no matter what she says I'm probably not going to come back in time to tell her to go and shes going to have to wait.
The sexual arousal thing from pressing on the G-spot doesn't really dominate my thinking. I see it as a side effect and mild benefit. I didn't even know anything about it until my girl mentioned omorashi to me - I think that's actually what started the conversation in the first place.
How's it work?
I touched on things briefly - normally face to face there is the 'surprise' that I say 'no'. Now I say no just to get the face (guess my secret is going to be out on that one now). I still find it kind of funny that this is something she asked for and when I exercise the control (rather than just giving instant permission) she get that 'I want to cross my arms and tap my foot' body language going.
Again - I haven't tested the limits much (at least not on purpose). The other day she got pretty desperate while waiting for the 15 minutes while I was at work (she'd waited too long to ask in the first place). The problem with testing limits is I'm not really interested in cleaning up accidents, and I don't want her to get cramps from holding it in too long. Neither of those things are fun, or sexy. Well ... accidents might happen, but that would be a specific instance, and not something I'd want as a 'real' accident. Also - when you think about it - a lot of the time you're going to the bathroom before doing an activity, and making her wait is also making me wait to perform said activity (going out to dinner, or for a walk, having sex).
It can be a trip, but it's a double 'hit' for me. I love control, and I love desperation and begging. If you're like me, this is definitely something you should take a look at.
Read Her View for more information
Monday, 6 June 2011
Weekend Musings: The Local Public Scene
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Friday, 3 June 2011
Review Thursday: The Nipple Bulb
So - new toy this week, some nipple sucker thing with a bulb and plastic tube. It was inventively called the 'nipple bulb'. I was so impressed with the thought that went into this toy that I just had to buy it when I saw it on Pink Cherry. This was part 2 of my order there a few weeks ago.
Sarcasm aside (for now) my girl likes suction toys. Since I haven't had my parts suctioned I take her word that it's really cool. I also enjoy seeing how the suction works on her body, so I guess from my point of view it's kind of cool as well.
Onto the product itself. It isn't very complicated, there is a moderate sized rubber ball on one end, and on the other end a hard plastic tube a couple inches long. The theory is that you squish the rubber bulb, put the plastic thingy over something, then let go and voila, instant suction!
I haven't had 'impressive' luck with toys like this in the past. Maybe I'm just wishing for something more 'hardcore' or my ideal image of what is going to happen doesn't exist.
The first thing I noticed about the toy itself when we opened it was that the aperature was not 'large'. Since my girl has 'large' nipples, I was skeptical that this was 'one size fits all nipples'. I would know, I play with them often enough to judge their size without having to compare directly.
I was also dissappointed to find that they had only shipped me three rubber rings. The package showed four rings. This sad discovery was later rectified when my girl told me I was blind and there was obviously four of them. I believe she slipped an extra one in there from her stash of things I don't know she has.
Onto playtime. I deduced that you slippd the ring on the plastic column (there is a handy indent where it sits) then did the suction thing, then rolled the ring off onto the nipple. Not rocket science I figured it couldn't be that hard.
So I squeeze the bulb as hard as I could and set it over her nipple, then released the bulb. No suction. Hmm. Her nipples were too big for me to actually enclose them fully with the narrow aperature (just what I was afraid of). So, onto plan B. Ram the thing down onto her nipple and squish in her breast to form a seal. Release bulb. The bulb stays squished up - also what I was afraid of, but at least it created a seal.
After some wiggling and creative (read 'deft') finger movement I managed to get it centered on her nipple. Then with some more manipulation of the bulb it suddenly *fwwooopp* sucked her nipple into the tube. She seemed as shocked as I was.
I didn't get the impression that it had distended her nipple at all, it had just finally pulled it up into the tube. There wasn't any way to increase the suction so that was about as good as we were going to get. Ok, so I rolled the rubber ring off the tube and onto her nipple. I think it pinched quite sharply because she jumped and went 'ooohh!!!' and the suction thing that I was holding lost it's grip on her nipple with a slurping sound - which provoked another startled noise at the same time. Note - apparently the rings pinch a bit.
I played with the nipple to see how supple it was - it was quite supple, which meant it wasn't hard, but was still distended, the ring apparently works, cool.
Onto the other nipple - with even less luck. This one is just slightly larger, and that slightly caused problems. I did manage to get some suction going, but it wasn't all the way onto the base. I figured what the heck, and slid the ring on anyway. I was quickly informed that it was purely painful, and not in a fun way. This also led me to discover that taking the damn rings off was difficult, they didn't want to 'roll' and pulling them off her nipple just didn't want to work. I eventually had to just drag it off before she started flailing at me in pain. Note - figure out a better way to remove those before I have to do it again.
So, to get this to work we had to get her less excited and let her nipple soften up a bit. Now if you think pleasing a woman is hard, try 'not' pleasing a woman while at the same time she's waiting for you to put something on that is going to suction her nipple. This process took a while. Eventually I got impatient with her constant arousal and just tried again. With some creative fiddling around we got that ring on as well.
Now at this point they look mildly interesting. I'll consider going through this whole process again and seeing what 'long term' wear is possible. But for short term 'playing' - definately too much work.
At this poing I'm looking at the two extra rings wondering if I could put them on her nipples as well. Instead she reminds me that we used to have suction toys that went in other places. Ah ha! She didn't 'want' to remind me about that, (not that I'd really forgotten) but when I dragged it out of her it sounded like a delightful idea (made even better because she looked worried at the thought of it).
Now not that she 'fights' persay, but I know she didn't want to let me drag off her pants and get down there. Which was kind of half the fun anyway. It didn't take long to get her in the spirit of things though. The results were also worth the effort. It went on much smoother (I didn't try a ring because I was concerned about getting it back off). But I did leave the bulb attached and attempted some 'manuevers' with it (which involved twisting, tugging and stretching). This didn't take nearly as much work and was a lot more fun - definately the 'proper' use for this kind of toy.
Overall - not something I'd throw in my bag for a quick play. Not that the toy itself isn't good (it is) but if I want to use something on her nipples it just wouldn't be my first, or third, choice. As mentioned I'll be exploring the long term usage at a later time to see what possibilities that has (the rings didn't seem 'too' extreme, so I think wearing them under clothing could be fun for both of us). The saving grace is that it's a great quick and easy suction toy for use elsewhere, which will likely be what it is used for more often.
Read Her View for more information
Sarcasm aside (for now) my girl likes suction toys. Since I haven't had my parts suctioned I take her word that it's really cool. I also enjoy seeing how the suction works on her body, so I guess from my point of view it's kind of cool as well.
Onto the product itself. It isn't very complicated, there is a moderate sized rubber ball on one end, and on the other end a hard plastic tube a couple inches long. The theory is that you squish the rubber bulb, put the plastic thingy over something, then let go and voila, instant suction!
I haven't had 'impressive' luck with toys like this in the past. Maybe I'm just wishing for something more 'hardcore' or my ideal image of what is going to happen doesn't exist.
The first thing I noticed about the toy itself when we opened it was that the aperature was not 'large'. Since my girl has 'large' nipples, I was skeptical that this was 'one size fits all nipples'. I would know, I play with them often enough to judge their size without having to compare directly.
I was also dissappointed to find that they had only shipped me three rubber rings. The package showed four rings. This sad discovery was later rectified when my girl told me I was blind and there was obviously four of them. I believe she slipped an extra one in there from her stash of things I don't know she has.
Onto playtime. I deduced that you slippd the ring on the plastic column (there is a handy indent where it sits) then did the suction thing, then rolled the ring off onto the nipple. Not rocket science I figured it couldn't be that hard.
So I squeeze the bulb as hard as I could and set it over her nipple, then released the bulb. No suction. Hmm. Her nipples were too big for me to actually enclose them fully with the narrow aperature (just what I was afraid of). So, onto plan B. Ram the thing down onto her nipple and squish in her breast to form a seal. Release bulb. The bulb stays squished up - also what I was afraid of, but at least it created a seal.
After some wiggling and creative (read 'deft') finger movement I managed to get it centered on her nipple. Then with some more manipulation of the bulb it suddenly *fwwooopp* sucked her nipple into the tube. She seemed as shocked as I was.
I didn't get the impression that it had distended her nipple at all, it had just finally pulled it up into the tube. There wasn't any way to increase the suction so that was about as good as we were going to get. Ok, so I rolled the rubber ring off the tube and onto her nipple. I think it pinched quite sharply because she jumped and went 'ooohh!!!' and the suction thing that I was holding lost it's grip on her nipple with a slurping sound - which provoked another startled noise at the same time. Note - apparently the rings pinch a bit.
I played with the nipple to see how supple it was - it was quite supple, which meant it wasn't hard, but was still distended, the ring apparently works, cool.
Onto the other nipple - with even less luck. This one is just slightly larger, and that slightly caused problems. I did manage to get some suction going, but it wasn't all the way onto the base. I figured what the heck, and slid the ring on anyway. I was quickly informed that it was purely painful, and not in a fun way. This also led me to discover that taking the damn rings off was difficult, they didn't want to 'roll' and pulling them off her nipple just didn't want to work. I eventually had to just drag it off before she started flailing at me in pain. Note - figure out a better way to remove those before I have to do it again.
So, to get this to work we had to get her less excited and let her nipple soften up a bit. Now if you think pleasing a woman is hard, try 'not' pleasing a woman while at the same time she's waiting for you to put something on that is going to suction her nipple. This process took a while. Eventually I got impatient with her constant arousal and just tried again. With some creative fiddling around we got that ring on as well.
Now at this point they look mildly interesting. I'll consider going through this whole process again and seeing what 'long term' wear is possible. But for short term 'playing' - definately too much work.
At this poing I'm looking at the two extra rings wondering if I could put them on her nipples as well. Instead she reminds me that we used to have suction toys that went in other places. Ah ha! She didn't 'want' to remind me about that, (not that I'd really forgotten) but when I dragged it out of her it sounded like a delightful idea (made even better because she looked worried at the thought of it).
Now not that she 'fights' persay, but I know she didn't want to let me drag off her pants and get down there. Which was kind of half the fun anyway. It didn't take long to get her in the spirit of things though. The results were also worth the effort. It went on much smoother (I didn't try a ring because I was concerned about getting it back off). But I did leave the bulb attached and attempted some 'manuevers' with it (which involved twisting, tugging and stretching). This didn't take nearly as much work and was a lot more fun - definately the 'proper' use for this kind of toy.
Overall - not something I'd throw in my bag for a quick play. Not that the toy itself isn't good (it is) but if I want to use something on her nipples it just wouldn't be my first, or third, choice. As mentioned I'll be exploring the long term usage at a later time to see what possibilities that has (the rings didn't seem 'too' extreme, so I think wearing them under clothing could be fun for both of us). The saving grace is that it's a great quick and easy suction toy for use elsewhere, which will likely be what it is used for more often.
Read Her View for more information
Wednesday, 1 June 2011
Technique Tuesday: Teasing
So - like with everything there is a story. For me it started with wanting my slave to be available for me whenever I wanted her to be available. Sure this might sound sexy, but it wasn't just about sex (or not specifically 'that' kind of available). It was more about the control - I wanted to know I could touch her wherever and whenever I wanted. I tried various things, but she never really seemed to get there - she didn't like to be casually touched or played with. I guess I could kind of understand that, but in a way it was disappointing.
I'm not sure if it was my continued pressing of her, or if she just happened to come across orgasm denial randomly one day - I like to think my training attempts bore fruit, but hey I'm not that picky. To shorten a long story, I was on board for the orgasm denial, like I needed an excuse to exercise control or something - yeah right. Things went well, really well actually. There is a point where she tips over the top of 'interested' and starts falling into the valley of 'cranky' but once we located that point it is easy to manipulate.
I think it was during that process that she found enjoyment in casual attention. While she was being denied she would beg to just be played with even knowing there wasn't going to be a 'happy ending'. I wasn't one to object, but I still had other things to do, so she got 'unfocused' attention a lot of the time (this feeds into her mild objectification fetish). And this is where we are today.
The mental process -
I like begging, desperation, focused 'neediness' and incoherent 'want'. I like being the one to both give the sensation that leads up to that point, and to control if it continues, stops, or moves into something more intense. If you've been following along this is likely a 'so what else is new' moment since I seem to say that kind of thing a lot. There is something to be said of having a 'toy' to play with while you're doing other things - if you haven't tried it, you don't know what you're missing.
The physical process -
This isn't static of course, but is dependant on the position I'm in. Generally the position involves her leaning against me with my arm around her, or her laying with her head in my lap - this gives me access to the top half of her body. Now I love her breasts, don't get me wrong, but that isn't what it's all about either. Remember this is usually 'passive' attention - I'm not really focusing on what I'm doing. This usually involves petting, stroking and mild nipple play. Often I'll just stroke her hair, or idly slide my fingers across her stomach.
To pick things up a bit I'll take a minute or two and focus on her nipples, or some mild breath play. I usually don't continue for prolonged periods when I'm just teasing - partly because that takes focus, and partly because usually we're watching TV and if I play with her too much she completely misses what's going on (surprise surprise).
I guess in short, it really doesn't matter 'what' you're doing - its the touch that matters. Mix up casual touching with more intimate 'playing' and eventually you get her in a 'state' (as she calls it). Doing this for hours is apparently a form of pleasure torture, since she begins writhing and whimpering.
Now the touch differs if say, she's laying beside me and I'm sitting up. Then I can reach her lower half, and it's even more fun (though more intense) to idly play with her clit than with her nipples. Obviously it's more sensitive, (YMMV here) you really don't have to do much here to get the same effect - long periods of gentle stimulation usually get to the begging stage faster than anything else. There is also a host of sexy things about a woman's legs that I'll leave you to discover on your own if you don't know already.
Edging -
Without going into orgasm denial (since I think that's a separate topic) I wanted to touch on edging a bit while we were talking about teasing. This is a more direct form of teasing that both takes concentration and a bit of knowledge of your partner. What do I mean by edging?
For me, edging is when I am giving her 'intense' stimulation to the point where she 'could' cum. Now in our dynamic she has to ask, again YMMV, so I have the luxury of saying 'not yet' and having her co-operate here. If you don't have that luxury you just have to be a bit more careful. Changing the stimulation, backing off, or alternately doing something and 'not' allowing her to cum at that point is (I'm sure) torture enough, but the key here is to keep her at that point. Never let the 'pleasure' fade off, keep doing what you're doing to hold her at that point.
This is where the knowledge of your partner is necessary. I can read when she's getting close, so I know if I need to back off a bit. I like knowing how my toys work (inside and out) so this was a fun process for me to discover. Now I feel like I can play her like an instrument, pushing a button here, stroke a chord there and voila!
Also with edging I'd be careful not to 'overdo' it. I think at some point it starts to lose it's effectiveness, you'll have to determine that point for yourself. It's also fatiguing on you (the doer) to keep up that stimulation indefinately. I usually set a realistic time, like 5 or 10 minutes. I also like telling her what the current time limit is going to be and counting it off for her. Sometimes I count backwards and watch her get a really wild/frustrated/angry look in her eyes that makes it all worth it.
To end -
I think the teasing ties more into the mental aspect of submission than into the physical. If you're interested in mental domination it's definitely something that should be in your 'bag of tricks'. There are a multitude of ways you can fuck her head while you're fucking with her body at the same time - I won't give away all my secrets, but if you're even a little sadistic I'm sure you can already see the possibilities.
I'm not sure if it was my continued pressing of her, or if she just happened to come across orgasm denial randomly one day - I like to think my training attempts bore fruit, but hey I'm not that picky. To shorten a long story, I was on board for the orgasm denial, like I needed an excuse to exercise control or something - yeah right. Things went well, really well actually. There is a point where she tips over the top of 'interested' and starts falling into the valley of 'cranky' but once we located that point it is easy to manipulate.
I think it was during that process that she found enjoyment in casual attention. While she was being denied she would beg to just be played with even knowing there wasn't going to be a 'happy ending'. I wasn't one to object, but I still had other things to do, so she got 'unfocused' attention a lot of the time (this feeds into her mild objectification fetish). And this is where we are today.
The mental process -
I like begging, desperation, focused 'neediness' and incoherent 'want'. I like being the one to both give the sensation that leads up to that point, and to control if it continues, stops, or moves into something more intense. If you've been following along this is likely a 'so what else is new' moment since I seem to say that kind of thing a lot. There is something to be said of having a 'toy' to play with while you're doing other things - if you haven't tried it, you don't know what you're missing.
The physical process -
This isn't static of course, but is dependant on the position I'm in. Generally the position involves her leaning against me with my arm around her, or her laying with her head in my lap - this gives me access to the top half of her body. Now I love her breasts, don't get me wrong, but that isn't what it's all about either. Remember this is usually 'passive' attention - I'm not really focusing on what I'm doing. This usually involves petting, stroking and mild nipple play. Often I'll just stroke her hair, or idly slide my fingers across her stomach.
To pick things up a bit I'll take a minute or two and focus on her nipples, or some mild breath play. I usually don't continue for prolonged periods when I'm just teasing - partly because that takes focus, and partly because usually we're watching TV and if I play with her too much she completely misses what's going on (surprise surprise).
I guess in short, it really doesn't matter 'what' you're doing - its the touch that matters. Mix up casual touching with more intimate 'playing' and eventually you get her in a 'state' (as she calls it). Doing this for hours is apparently a form of pleasure torture, since she begins writhing and whimpering.
Now the touch differs if say, she's laying beside me and I'm sitting up. Then I can reach her lower half, and it's even more fun (though more intense) to idly play with her clit than with her nipples. Obviously it's more sensitive, (YMMV here) you really don't have to do much here to get the same effect - long periods of gentle stimulation usually get to the begging stage faster than anything else. There is also a host of sexy things about a woman's legs that I'll leave you to discover on your own if you don't know already.
Edging -
Without going into orgasm denial (since I think that's a separate topic) I wanted to touch on edging a bit while we were talking about teasing. This is a more direct form of teasing that both takes concentration and a bit of knowledge of your partner. What do I mean by edging?
For me, edging is when I am giving her 'intense' stimulation to the point where she 'could' cum. Now in our dynamic she has to ask, again YMMV, so I have the luxury of saying 'not yet' and having her co-operate here. If you don't have that luxury you just have to be a bit more careful. Changing the stimulation, backing off, or alternately doing something and 'not' allowing her to cum at that point is (I'm sure) torture enough, but the key here is to keep her at that point. Never let the 'pleasure' fade off, keep doing what you're doing to hold her at that point.
This is where the knowledge of your partner is necessary. I can read when she's getting close, so I know if I need to back off a bit. I like knowing how my toys work (inside and out) so this was a fun process for me to discover. Now I feel like I can play her like an instrument, pushing a button here, stroke a chord there and voila!
Also with edging I'd be careful not to 'overdo' it. I think at some point it starts to lose it's effectiveness, you'll have to determine that point for yourself. It's also fatiguing on you (the doer) to keep up that stimulation indefinately. I usually set a realistic time, like 5 or 10 minutes. I also like telling her what the current time limit is going to be and counting it off for her. Sometimes I count backwards and watch her get a really wild/frustrated/angry look in her eyes that makes it all worth it.
To end -
I think the teasing ties more into the mental aspect of submission than into the physical. If you're interested in mental domination it's definitely something that should be in your 'bag of tricks'. There are a multitude of ways you can fuck her head while you're fucking with her body at the same time - I won't give away all my secrets, but if you're even a little sadistic I'm sure you can already see the possibilities.
Read Her View for more information.
Sunday, 29 May 2011
Weekend Musings: Comparing Rule Lists
So this week we're looking at rules - this probably stems from a few of my posts making fun of people this last week who are asking for 'rule' sets on what to do with their slaves. I find this way more prevalent with people who have been mostly online and are trying to move into real life. Apparently online the only important thing to have is rules, they have to fill a person's whole life - which you know, is probably 3 or 4 hours a day that they spend online. 'Real' people have 24 hours that have to be filled, I guess that can be quite daunting and you might want to ask around to get ideas.
Of course - just as a side note - if you aren't creative enough to make up rules that are going to make you happy ... you probably deserve to be unhappy with the weird ass rules that other people give you. I made up some garbage about having a list with 103 rules for all true slaves and had more people than I expected message me to get the full list (I was being sarcastic - I do that). I told them all to send me their $10 membership fee and I'd send the list over with their welcome package. Hey if I made $100 out of it I'd actually sit down and write a whole damn list.
So, you may think that I have a problem with rules - but you'd be wrong. I love rules - but I only love rules that make sense to 'me'. We don't have a lot of rules in our household, which works for us. Not that we haven't tried, it just didn't work out. You know that when it takes more work to make the rules and upkeep them that you have too many. Micromanagement might sound interesting to some of you, like having everything predetermined or done a certain way all the time, but it just drove me crazy. You also may not think of it, but changing rules is almost as bad as not having them - especially if you're changing them a lot. Suddenly rules aren't rules - I mean if you're not going to follow them, why have them? That is my point.
The rules we do have? She does what I tell her, shes allowed to ask for clarification, or 'why' if she thinks I'm being arbitrary about 'how' I want something done. So basically she can question my method but not my reasons. She can ask for the reasons, but they aren't up for debate.
Whoa, 1 rule? Yeah, that's all you really need. Some other 'rules' have stemmed from that, but they came up naturally over time, I didn't sit down one day and say 'ok, here are all the rules that I want you to follow'. We were just sitting around one day and I was like 'ok, from now on I'd like X' - and just like God called things into being, I do the same thing.
The real problem? I can't tell other people how to live their lives. Well, correction, I 'shouldn't' tell people how to live their lives, and if I do they damn well should know better than to listen to anything I say. Just because this makes me happy doesn't mean it's going to make anyone else happy - and if it will make them happy? I figure they should know what they want already. I mean, if I wanted a chocolate bar and having one would make me happy, I'd go get one. I wouldn't go ask someone - hey, what makes you happy ... then when they tell me drinking organic shakes is what makes them happy go buy one of those instead.
I suppose I can see the argument, something along the lines of 'maybe I don't know what I want'. Ok - then why do you want it? I don't wander around asking people why my stomach feels empty - I know I'm hungry. When I'm hungry I eat something. Same thing should go for rules - if she is (or isn't) doing something you want ( or don't want ) then correct the behaviour with a rule. That should be pretty simple reasoning. There is a difference between just asking a general question (Hey are there any rules for what I should do with my slave around bed time?) and saying 'Hey, I'm thinking of instituting a bedtime ritual for X, and I'm going to have her do Y - do any of you do something similar and how does that work for you?'
I feel like I've been belabouring the same point and and typing in circles so I'm going to cut off there. My bottom line is really quite simple - Do what works for you. You don't have to do everything at once, relationships evolve. Don't be afraid to re-evaluate what you are doing to make both of you happy.
Read Her View for more information
Of course - just as a side note - if you aren't creative enough to make up rules that are going to make you happy ... you probably deserve to be unhappy with the weird ass rules that other people give you. I made up some garbage about having a list with 103 rules for all true slaves and had more people than I expected message me to get the full list (I was being sarcastic - I do that). I told them all to send me their $10 membership fee and I'd send the list over with their welcome package. Hey if I made $100 out of it I'd actually sit down and write a whole damn list.
So, you may think that I have a problem with rules - but you'd be wrong. I love rules - but I only love rules that make sense to 'me'. We don't have a lot of rules in our household, which works for us. Not that we haven't tried, it just didn't work out. You know that when it takes more work to make the rules and upkeep them that you have too many. Micromanagement might sound interesting to some of you, like having everything predetermined or done a certain way all the time, but it just drove me crazy. You also may not think of it, but changing rules is almost as bad as not having them - especially if you're changing them a lot. Suddenly rules aren't rules - I mean if you're not going to follow them, why have them? That is my point.
The rules we do have? She does what I tell her, shes allowed to ask for clarification, or 'why' if she thinks I'm being arbitrary about 'how' I want something done. So basically she can question my method but not my reasons. She can ask for the reasons, but they aren't up for debate.
Whoa, 1 rule? Yeah, that's all you really need. Some other 'rules' have stemmed from that, but they came up naturally over time, I didn't sit down one day and say 'ok, here are all the rules that I want you to follow'. We were just sitting around one day and I was like 'ok, from now on I'd like X' - and just like God called things into being, I do the same thing.
The real problem? I can't tell other people how to live their lives. Well, correction, I 'shouldn't' tell people how to live their lives, and if I do they damn well should know better than to listen to anything I say. Just because this makes me happy doesn't mean it's going to make anyone else happy - and if it will make them happy? I figure they should know what they want already. I mean, if I wanted a chocolate bar and having one would make me happy, I'd go get one. I wouldn't go ask someone - hey, what makes you happy ... then when they tell me drinking organic shakes is what makes them happy go buy one of those instead.
I suppose I can see the argument, something along the lines of 'maybe I don't know what I want'. Ok - then why do you want it? I don't wander around asking people why my stomach feels empty - I know I'm hungry. When I'm hungry I eat something. Same thing should go for rules - if she is (or isn't) doing something you want ( or don't want ) then correct the behaviour with a rule. That should be pretty simple reasoning. There is a difference between just asking a general question (Hey are there any rules for what I should do with my slave around bed time?) and saying 'Hey, I'm thinking of instituting a bedtime ritual for X, and I'm going to have her do Y - do any of you do something similar and how does that work for you?'
I feel like I've been belabouring the same point and and typing in circles so I'm going to cut off there. My bottom line is really quite simple - Do what works for you. You don't have to do everything at once, relationships evolve. Don't be afraid to re-evaluate what you are doing to make both of you happy.
Read Her View for more information
Friday, 27 May 2011
Review Thursday: Singapore Stinger III
A few weeks ago I put in an order at an online website called Pink Cherry. They are located in Canada and actually had some decent prices. Some of the stuff you see here in the next few weeks came from them as well. They even gave me free shipping on my order (over $75) so that was an added bonus. Those of you in the US, I envy you when it comes to shopping for 'toys', you don't know how good you have it.
The first thing from the order I wanted to try was a new lightweight paddle called the Singapore Stinger III. I was actually disappointed when it arrived, the size on the website was hard to determine and this just wasn't what I was picturing. It's fairly small - actually it's smaller than the palm of my hand (the blade portion) and the handle is tiny and the weirdest shape I've ever seen. Who makes a handle that narrows toward the blade? It also has a wrist strap to prevent 'throwing' it. I laughed at the time, but actually ...
So - to the review. First, like I've said before, because of my hands it makes using some toys difficult. I'm a big man, and I have big hands. This toy was definitely no exception. First I tried gripping the handle fully like a rod. The neck of the handle narrows where it gets close to the blade, so my index finger couldn't even curl tightly around it. The thing is narrower than one of my knuckles and I can't squish my bone together to get a better grip. This caused the thing to be somewhat unstable in my grip, flipping forward and backward a bit. I also found it nearly impossible to deliver a solid smack with it. My knuckles contacted her skin before the paddle did, forcing me to do a 'wrist twist' kind of thing at the end of a snap to make the paddle actually contact her skin first.
I then tried to move my hand down the handle a bit, which meant I was holding it with two fingers and my thumb around the fat portion of the handle. This also did not work, I could manage to smack her with it, but it kept wanting to fly out of my hand since the handle is weirdly rounded on the edges and perfectly flat otherwise.
After that I tried paying my index finger across the back of the handle for added stability while still using two fingers to hold the handle. This seemed to work, but every slap kept pressing my index finger back until after just a few minutes it was too sore to continue. No luck at all.
I moved to holding just the end of the handle between my thumb and forefinger, much like I did with the spatula, and used the motion of my fingers and wrist to just do a rhythmic taptapping. This seemed to actually work well, but again, it was top heavy and my fingers got tired from holding onto it quite quickly.
The only good thing I really have to say about it, is man did you know it was hitting something. I swear you could hear the smacks outside (when I could actually deliver them properly at least). This is probably the worst toy I've ever used, and we both ended up feeling pretty shitty when we were done. Her because I just couldn't control the damn thing and it was painful without being fun, and me because I just couldn't comfortably use it and ended up hurting her for no good reason.
In retrospect if I'd kept to more of a soft tapping without trying to deliver the usual force that I do during a spanking it might have been ok (note: warmups only), but as a full out 'single spanking toy' this just fails.
The first thing from the order I wanted to try was a new lightweight paddle called the Singapore Stinger III. I was actually disappointed when it arrived, the size on the website was hard to determine and this just wasn't what I was picturing. It's fairly small - actually it's smaller than the palm of my hand (the blade portion) and the handle is tiny and the weirdest shape I've ever seen. Who makes a handle that narrows toward the blade? It also has a wrist strap to prevent 'throwing' it. I laughed at the time, but actually ...So - to the review. First, like I've said before, because of my hands it makes using some toys difficult. I'm a big man, and I have big hands. This toy was definitely no exception. First I tried gripping the handle fully like a rod. The neck of the handle narrows where it gets close to the blade, so my index finger couldn't even curl tightly around it. The thing is narrower than one of my knuckles and I can't squish my bone together to get a better grip. This caused the thing to be somewhat unstable in my grip, flipping forward and backward a bit. I also found it nearly impossible to deliver a solid smack with it. My knuckles contacted her skin before the paddle did, forcing me to do a 'wrist twist' kind of thing at the end of a snap to make the paddle actually contact her skin first.
I then tried to move my hand down the handle a bit, which meant I was holding it with two fingers and my thumb around the fat portion of the handle. This also did not work, I could manage to smack her with it, but it kept wanting to fly out of my hand since the handle is weirdly rounded on the edges and perfectly flat otherwise.
After that I tried paying my index finger across the back of the handle for added stability while still using two fingers to hold the handle. This seemed to work, but every slap kept pressing my index finger back until after just a few minutes it was too sore to continue. No luck at all.
I moved to holding just the end of the handle between my thumb and forefinger, much like I did with the spatula, and used the motion of my fingers and wrist to just do a rhythmic taptapping. This seemed to actually work well, but again, it was top heavy and my fingers got tired from holding onto it quite quickly.
The only good thing I really have to say about it, is man did you know it was hitting something. I swear you could hear the smacks outside (when I could actually deliver them properly at least). This is probably the worst toy I've ever used, and we both ended up feeling pretty shitty when we were done. Her because I just couldn't control the damn thing and it was painful without being fun, and me because I just couldn't comfortably use it and ended up hurting her for no good reason.In retrospect if I'd kept to more of a soft tapping without trying to deliver the usual force that I do during a spanking it might have been ok (note: warmups only), but as a full out 'single spanking toy' this just fails.
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
Technique Tuesday: Rope Corsetry
So - I have this thing about rope. It's hot, I like how it feels, I like how it smells, and I like playing with it. Now playing with it can come in lots of flavors, just working it in my hands, tying knots, tying practice knots around myself, and tying knots around people. I prefer the tying knots around people as much as possible, but sometimes that just isn't practical.
I'm not an expert, not by a long shot - I couldn't tell you the different between two different kinds of knots other than to say 'Hey I can tie that, its cool' and 'wtf, how did you do that?'. Usually when I ask the second question I get a demonstration, usually once I tie a knot myself a few times it sticks in my brain and I can use it when I need to.
Where does my love of rope stem from? I love working with my hands. My girl usually giggles when I say stuff like that and tells me I have 'magic' in my hands, or some other such thing. It's cute, and she's adorable - and its the truth. There is just some kind of satisfaction I get after having put something together with my hands, when I can step back and admire my 'work'. I dunno how to describe it, it isn't solely satisfaction, part of it is 'this is my art' and part of it might be 'thats my girl all tied up'. However you slice it - I just like doing it. I even like just sitting around trying to get a cuff knotted properly around her ankle that I've been working on for a while.
Anyway - onto the actual subject of the post.
I had been looking at some breast bondage, different kinds of halters and harnesses and I found one that I really liked (by TKB I think). It was designed to immobilize the arms behind the back in addition to being a halter, but I figured I could skip that and modify it a bit to get what I wanted out of it.
We have a play party coming up this weekend, and I got the idea that for 'fetish' wear I could tie a rope corset on my slave and she'd be all set to go. Never having done a corset before I did some looking online for the right kind of design - I found a few that had a 'quick release' built into them, but that required shoving a knitting needle through the knots and I just didn't like the overall look of it. Since I was planning to have her wearing it long term, comfort, as well as aesthetics were important. If she needed a quick release, wearing it out of the house was probably a bad plan anyway.
Just as an aside - we've done this kind of intricate bondage before and she's worn it for extended periods so I'm less concerned about her 'freaking out' while tied up and me having to cut her out of it. If you're just getting started in this that's something you have to watch for, keep a pair of heavy scissors handy and don't be afraid to 'waste' all that rope chopping her out of it if things start to go badly. Safety is more important than your kink (Unless Safety is your kink, then you're all good).
So - I actually discovered that corsets were pretty easy. Once you get a harness in place (it can be any harness) you just loop through your byte and start wrapping. Each wrap loops through the last 'byte' and you get a nice crisscross pattern all down the front. In the back you have a clean smooth rope line. Fantastic. So we went to the store and bought about mmm, 250ft of rope. Not fancy rope, since we're kind of broke at the moment, but twisted nylon and some clothesline (3/8 inch). I liked the look of the 3/8 on her, I had considered the 1/2inch as well, but I wanted to get more wraps in and they didn't have enough rope in the 1/2inch size anyway.
After a bit of review of the process I started on the breast harness. She loves having her breasts cinched up, so this part went pretty smoothly. I was a bit anxious though and had her spinning around right after dinner, so she got a little nauseous and we had to take a break. Tip: Be a good Dom and don't spin her around like a top on a full stomach.
The harness went on nicely though, and her first comment? 'Wow, look at my breasts!' Definitely a boob lifter, one of the bonuses of having a well endowed girl who's into rope bondage. I used to have a lot of problem at this point doing the 'over-the-shoulder' rigging, either it would irritate her neck (especially long term) or strangle her, or both. I discovered a 'double coin knot' that could be used in this instance to put the pressure in another location rather than directly on the body. One of these behind the shoulders and one at the base of the throat seemed to properly distribute the tension, and we were in business.
When the harness was finished the next part went pretty smoothly. I did some walking around her, she did some lifting her arms up and down. When I'm doing this for real I'll pay more attention to centering the knots, but this was just practice so my 'braid' went kind of crooked
The finished product was impressive - if I do say so myself (and I do). A few times she had gasped and was commenting on how constrictive it felt, I was being careful not to cinch it too tightly (something to watch for!) I wasn't pulling on the ends, I was just snugging it all together - so I imagine if I really wanted to give her a trip I could have snugged everything up a bit tighter. We might try that another day at home just to see what the effect is like.
I let her sit around in the rope for the rest of the night, she enjoys the feeling and I enjoy seeing her tied up - win win. Even with all her movement it stayed in place quite well - my knot did slip, so I'm going to find a different way to tie it off before the party. That won't take long though - and it was almost as fun taking it back off of her, as it was putting it on. Got a great picture of the rope marks it left behind too.
I'm not an expert, not by a long shot - I couldn't tell you the different between two different kinds of knots other than to say 'Hey I can tie that, its cool' and 'wtf, how did you do that?'. Usually when I ask the second question I get a demonstration, usually once I tie a knot myself a few times it sticks in my brain and I can use it when I need to.
Where does my love of rope stem from? I love working with my hands. My girl usually giggles when I say stuff like that and tells me I have 'magic' in my hands, or some other such thing. It's cute, and she's adorable - and its the truth. There is just some kind of satisfaction I get after having put something together with my hands, when I can step back and admire my 'work'. I dunno how to describe it, it isn't solely satisfaction, part of it is 'this is my art' and part of it might be 'thats my girl all tied up'. However you slice it - I just like doing it. I even like just sitting around trying to get a cuff knotted properly around her ankle that I've been working on for a while.
Anyway - onto the actual subject of the post.
I had been looking at some breast bondage, different kinds of halters and harnesses and I found one that I really liked (by TKB I think). It was designed to immobilize the arms behind the back in addition to being a halter, but I figured I could skip that and modify it a bit to get what I wanted out of it.
 |
| Best part? - the breasts |
Just as an aside - we've done this kind of intricate bondage before and she's worn it for extended periods so I'm less concerned about her 'freaking out' while tied up and me having to cut her out of it. If you're just getting started in this that's something you have to watch for, keep a pair of heavy scissors handy and don't be afraid to 'waste' all that rope chopping her out of it if things start to go badly. Safety is more important than your kink (Unless Safety is your kink, then you're all good).
So - I actually discovered that corsets were pretty easy. Once you get a harness in place (it can be any harness) you just loop through your byte and start wrapping. Each wrap loops through the last 'byte' and you get a nice crisscross pattern all down the front. In the back you have a clean smooth rope line. Fantastic. So we went to the store and bought about mmm, 250ft of rope. Not fancy rope, since we're kind of broke at the moment, but twisted nylon and some clothesline (3/8 inch). I liked the look of the 3/8 on her, I had considered the 1/2inch as well, but I wanted to get more wraps in and they didn't have enough rope in the 1/2inch size anyway.
 |
| rear view of the harness knots |
The harness went on nicely though, and her first comment? 'Wow, look at my breasts!' Definitely a boob lifter, one of the bonuses of having a well endowed girl who's into rope bondage. I used to have a lot of problem at this point doing the 'over-the-shoulder' rigging, either it would irritate her neck (especially long term) or strangle her, or both. I discovered a 'double coin knot' that could be used in this instance to put the pressure in another location rather than directly on the body. One of these behind the shoulders and one at the base of the throat seemed to properly distribute the tension, and we were in business.
 |
| Closeup of the corset knotting |
The finished product was impressive - if I do say so myself (and I do). A few times she had gasped and was commenting on how constrictive it felt, I was being careful not to cinch it too tightly (something to watch for!) I wasn't pulling on the ends, I was just snugging it all together - so I imagine if I really wanted to give her a trip I could have snugged everything up a bit tighter. We might try that another day at home just to see what the effect is like.
I let her sit around in the rope for the rest of the night, she enjoys the feeling and I enjoy seeing her tied up - win win. Even with all her movement it stayed in place quite well - my knot did slip, so I'm going to find a different way to tie it off before the party. That won't take long though - and it was almost as fun taking it back off of her, as it was putting it on. Got a great picture of the rope marks it left behind too.
Monday, 23 May 2011
Weekend Musings: Scening with Sound
Music ...
I admit I was kind of at a loss for what to write this weekend, which is why my post is coming late. Since I told my girl she could come up with our topics I don't want to back out now, but this one really isn't my thing. I've never really been interested in music - at least not in 'lots' of music. I grew up with narrow tastes and never had the opportunity to explore, so there is still so much I don't know ... I just don't think I'll ever catch up.
I have enough music so that when I am driving for work I have something to listen to in the car - and I go to sleep listening to music most nights since it helps calm my brain. That's a habit from when I was little and to shut me up and get me to sleep my mother would just put on a tape in the bedroom and keep re-running it until I finally fell asleep. Now most music makes me sleepy just listening to it - funny how the mind works isn't it?
I know that she likes to have music going during an intense scene, it helps her the same way it helps me sleep, but giving her brain something to focus on and let go so she isn't worrying about the laundry, or messy floor, or whatever it might be that is on her mind. For me the music recently has been practical - it keeps out the noise of the dog's nails *ticktickticking* on the floor while she paces around, and the *mrooowwwing* and hissing of the cats while they try to kill each other. In general I prefer instrumental music without a lot of vocal accompaniment. I find music with too many vocals, or complicated refrains to be distracting - it's the beat that's most important.
Recently I've been throwing on some Enya just because that's what I have on my iPod at the moment that isn't too vocal heavy and distracting. Since we haven't been doing any heavy 'play' recently it's been working just fine for me. I've also got some Evanescence on there that I can put on if we're doing something more 'intense'.
During a session with some impact play I like something with a heavy thudding beat that I can use to time my strokes - it lets me pick up a rhythm from something external and I think it gives a bit extra 'thump' if I'm timing the blows properly. It's almost like dancing, feeling the beat in your body and flowing with it. When I really get into it, it helps me let go as well - there's a narrow focus, where even though I know whats going on around me and I'm aware of it - I can really just lose myself in the moment. It's a very freeing experience.
I really have no idea what we used to use, since I had my girl put it together ... being the one of us that knows more about music I leverage her expertise to create play lists for us. She has one now that I'm supposed to be trying here one of these days, probably with one of our new rope floggers I'll give it a shot.
Read Her View for more information
I admit I was kind of at a loss for what to write this weekend, which is why my post is coming late. Since I told my girl she could come up with our topics I don't want to back out now, but this one really isn't my thing. I've never really been interested in music - at least not in 'lots' of music. I grew up with narrow tastes and never had the opportunity to explore, so there is still so much I don't know ... I just don't think I'll ever catch up.
I have enough music so that when I am driving for work I have something to listen to in the car - and I go to sleep listening to music most nights since it helps calm my brain. That's a habit from when I was little and to shut me up and get me to sleep my mother would just put on a tape in the bedroom and keep re-running it until I finally fell asleep. Now most music makes me sleepy just listening to it - funny how the mind works isn't it?
I know that she likes to have music going during an intense scene, it helps her the same way it helps me sleep, but giving her brain something to focus on and let go so she isn't worrying about the laundry, or messy floor, or whatever it might be that is on her mind. For me the music recently has been practical - it keeps out the noise of the dog's nails *ticktickticking* on the floor while she paces around, and the *mrooowwwing* and hissing of the cats while they try to kill each other. In general I prefer instrumental music without a lot of vocal accompaniment. I find music with too many vocals, or complicated refrains to be distracting - it's the beat that's most important.
Recently I've been throwing on some Enya just because that's what I have on my iPod at the moment that isn't too vocal heavy and distracting. Since we haven't been doing any heavy 'play' recently it's been working just fine for me. I've also got some Evanescence on there that I can put on if we're doing something more 'intense'.
During a session with some impact play I like something with a heavy thudding beat that I can use to time my strokes - it lets me pick up a rhythm from something external and I think it gives a bit extra 'thump' if I'm timing the blows properly. It's almost like dancing, feeling the beat in your body and flowing with it. When I really get into it, it helps me let go as well - there's a narrow focus, where even though I know whats going on around me and I'm aware of it - I can really just lose myself in the moment. It's a very freeing experience.
I really have no idea what we used to use, since I had my girl put it together ... being the one of us that knows more about music I leverage her expertise to create play lists for us. She has one now that I'm supposed to be trying here one of these days, probably with one of our new rope floggers I'll give it a shot.
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