Wednesday, 8 June 2011

Technique Tuesday: Permission to Go

A form of something like this has come up for us a few times in our relationship.  In your every day life there aren't many things that are as necessary as using the bathroom.  Having to get permission before doing such can be almost as extreme as getting permission to breathe - because there really is a point where you either have to do it, or something bad is going to happen.

I don't remember exactly how things turned out in the past - I do remember that it didn't go well, and for a while I just assumed it was something that wasn't going to work for us.  Then, one day, my girl brought it up again as something we should try integrating into our dynamic.  Generally I'm always up to attempting control over another part of her life.

I had to think about it though, since I'd be the one 'in charge' I had to come up with the rules and protocol that we were going to follow and make it something that we could both live with.  I always try to keep things simple, so our rules are the same way.  If we're in the same room she has to ask me to leave it.  At home she always has to ask to go to the bathroom even if we're in separate rooms.  If we're chatting on messenger she has to ask me to leave the computer - after 15 minutes if she hasn't gotten an answer she has permission to go because I'm obviously busy.


Well there are always multiple reasons - the main one for me is the control.  Any time I can withhold permission for her to do something is another time I can exercise my control over her and have her show her submission to my will.  I think something a lot of people miss because of the huge sexual focus is that (especially) D/s doesn't have to have anything to do with sex.

With that control I get a reaction - that reaction can either be relief and gratitude because I've given permission, or it can shock and indignation when I refuse.  Interestingly saying 'no' brings about a 'how dare you' kind of reaction more often than not.  Usually followed by an exasperated huff.  I find it cute, which I think makes her even more exasperated.

I've noticed that depending on what we're doing that desperation of 'I MUST' go right -now- seems to come on at different speeds.  Putting her on a clock really doesn't do much good.  So far I'm still trying to get a 'feel' for how things go, since it hasn't been that long since we started again I haven't started to probe too deeply into this yet.

Also - I admit that I have to keep my amusement contained after flipping over to my MSN window at work and seeing a string of messages over a 15 minute span of time that move from 'asking' quickly into 'begging' then 'desperation' as she realizes that no matter what she says I'm probably not going to come back in time to tell her to go and shes going to have to wait.

The sexual arousal thing from pressing on the G-spot doesn't really dominate my thinking.  I see it as a side effect and mild benefit.  I didn't even know anything about it until my girl mentioned omorashi to me - I think that's actually what started the conversation in the first place.

How's it work?

I touched on things briefly - normally face to face there is the 'surprise' that I say 'no'.  Now I say no just to get the face (guess my secret is going to be out on that one now).  I still find it kind of funny that this is something she asked for and when I exercise the control (rather than just giving instant permission) she get that 'I want to cross my arms and tap my foot' body language going.

Again - I haven't tested the limits much (at least not on purpose).  The other day she got pretty desperate while waiting for the 15 minutes while I was at work (she'd waited too long to ask in the first place).  The problem with testing limits is I'm not really interested in cleaning up accidents, and I don't want her to get cramps from holding it in too long.  Neither of those things are fun, or sexy.  Well ... accidents might happen, but that would be a specific instance, and not something I'd want as a 'real' accident.  Also - when you think about it - a lot of the time you're going to the bathroom before doing an activity, and making her wait is also making me wait to perform said activity (going out to dinner, or for a walk, having sex).

It can be a trip, but it's a double 'hit' for me.  I love control, and I love desperation and begging.  If you're like me, this is definitely something you should take a look at.

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