I am the Face of BDSM

Recently, I read a posting on Fetlife that really bothered me.  It was one of those "My way is the twue way" articles discussing how great online mental D/s was, and how vanillas were missing out on great orgasms, while more extreme BDSMers were "freaks" (among other derogatory pronouns used).  I like reading about what works for other people, and if the article had stuck to that, great.  I have sympathy for people in online or long distance relationships, and know how difficult it can be, because ten years ago, that's where I was stuck with my Master, half a continent apart. 

What I cannot stand, however, is people trying to put themselves on a pedestal by shoving everyone else down into the dirt.  The author attempted to justify this by saying the article was written for vanillas to read, in order to entice them to try using D/s in their bedroom play.  I take issue with the idea that putting down BDSM players and talking about how "disgusting and unsafe" (again a direct quote) they are is a way to do anything other than perpetuate negative stereotypes about the lifestyle.  His rebuttal was that they already think that we're disgusting, so that way they'd relate to his article.

Really?  That just turned my stomach.  Which was interesting, since another word he used for us was "stomach-turning".  The people I know in the lifestyle are anything but stomach-turning.  They are funny and articulate and intelligent.  They have great careers and loving families.  They are parents and professionals and artists and everyday, ordinary people.  They are gentle and kind with friends who are hurting.  They are playful and fun-loving, and have barbeques in the park with water-gun fights.  They like to chat about their favourite hobbies at wing night with their friends.  They like to go out for pizza and a movie.  And sometimes, they like to play hard with naughty implements for everyone's mutual benefit.

I am making this post because what vanilla people really need to know, in order to combat prejudice, is that everyone in the lifestyle, regardless of their particular kink, is just like them.  I am just like them.  You are just like them.  I want them to have a picture beyond the prejudice of who the face of BDSM really is.

It's me.  It's you.  I want to add to this list.  Please comment here or use the feedback form on our site to tell me how you are the face of BDSM (I will add feedback to the original post as it comes in, and pictures if you want to send them along as well).  We average over 100 visitors per day, with our best day boasting over 800.  I know you are out there.  Help me spread the word and show people what the real face of BDSM is.

I am the face of BDSM.  I am just like you.  I'm not scary.  I won't try to convert you.  I believe everyone should have the right to practice love and pleasure on their own terms.

I am the woman walking the fluffy shih tzu in the park, who waved hello to you this afternoon.

I am the shy, quiet member of the book club.

I am the friend you had puppy-sit your new doggie for two weeks, who wouldn't accept pay after your husband lost his job.

I am the friend who brought dinner and dessert to your house when your baby had a fever and you were stressed.

I am the cousin who comes up with the perverse answers when playing "Things" with the family.

I am the woman in the craft store looking at cross-stitch patterns.

I am the writer who penned the article on yarn types that helped you finish your project.

I am the person who anonymously paid for the breakfast tabs of elderly folks eating alone, just because.

I am the woman who friends think is "a little too deferential" to her husband.  I'm also the woman who everyone thinks is still lucky because she and her husband act like honeymooners after ten years.

I am in love.

I am the face of BDSM.

Show the world the real face of BDSM along with me.