Technique Tuesday: Permission to Go

A form of something like this has come up for us a few times in our relationship.  In your every day life there aren't many things that are as necessary as using the bathroom.  Having to get permission before doing such can be almost as extreme as getting permission to breathe - because there really is a point where you either have to do it, or something bad is going to happen.

I don't remember exactly how things turned out in the past - I do remember that it didn't go well, and for a while I just assumed it was something that wasn't going to work for us.  Then, one day, my girl brought it up again as something we should try integrating into our dynamic.  Generally I'm always up to attempting control over another part of her life.

I had to think about it though, since I'd be the one 'in charge' I had to come up with the rules and protocol that we were going to follow and make it something that we could both live with.  I always try to keep things simple, so our rules are the same way.  If we're in the same room she has to ask me to leave it.  At home she always has to ask to go to the bathroom even if we're in separate rooms.  If we're chatting on messenger she has to ask me to leave the computer - after 15 minutes if she hasn't gotten an answer she has permission to go because I'm obviously busy.

Why?

Well there are always multiple reasons - the main one for me is the control.  Any time I can withhold permission for her to do something is another time I can exercise my control over her and have her show her submission to my will.  I think something a lot of people miss because of the huge sexual focus is that (especially) D/s doesn't have to have anything to do with sex.

With that control I get a reaction - that reaction can either be relief and gratitude because I've given permission, or it can shock and indignation when I refuse.  Interestingly saying 'no' brings about a 'how dare you' kind of reaction more often than not.  Usually followed by an exasperated huff.  I find it cute, which I think makes her even more exasperated.

I've noticed that depending on what we're doing that desperation of 'I MUST' go right -now- seems to come on at different speeds.  Putting her on a clock really doesn't do much good.  So far I'm still trying to get a 'feel' for how things go, since it hasn't been that long since we started again I haven't started to probe too deeply into this yet.

Also - I admit that I have to keep my amusement contained after flipping over to my MSN window at work and seeing a string of messages over a 15 minute span of time that move from 'asking' quickly into 'begging' then 'desperation' as she realizes that no matter what she says I'm probably not going to come back in time to tell her to go and shes going to have to wait.

The sexual arousal thing from pressing on the G-spot doesn't really dominate my thinking.  I see it as a side effect and mild benefit.  I didn't even know anything about it until my girl mentioned omorashi to me - I think that's actually what started the conversation in the first place.

How's it work?

I touched on things briefly - normally face to face there is the 'surprise' that I say 'no'.  Now I say no just to get the face (guess my secret is going to be out on that one now).  I still find it kind of funny that this is something she asked for and when I exercise the control (rather than just giving instant permission) she get that 'I want to cross my arms and tap my foot' body language going.

Again - I haven't tested the limits much (at least not on purpose).  The other day she got pretty desperate while waiting for the 15 minutes while I was at work (she'd waited too long to ask in the first place).  The problem with testing limits is I'm not really interested in cleaning up accidents, and I don't want her to get cramps from holding it in too long.  Neither of those things are fun, or sexy.  Well ... accidents might happen, but that would be a specific instance, and not something I'd want as a 'real' accident.  Also - when you think about it - a lot of the time you're going to the bathroom before doing an activity, and making her wait is also making me wait to perform said activity (going out to dinner, or for a walk, having sex).

It can be a trip, but it's a double 'hit' for me.  I love control, and I love desperation and begging.  If you're like me, this is definitely something you should take a look at.

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Technique Tuesday: Bathroom Use Control

One of the most intimate activities of humans is that which takes place in the bathroom.  We close doors for a reason. Potty training reinforces the control we're to have in this area, and as we learn to become self-sufficient human beings, we begin to control our own bathroom use and the privacy therein.

Unless.

Unless of course, you are a slave, who hands all decisions over to her Master, and he decides that he'd like to use control over your bathroom use as one way to assert his ownership over you.

To be fair, this is actually something I requested in our lives.  It is, to me, a very intimate way of connecting to your slave, and to her animal instincts and urges.  As a pet owner, I control when my dog gets to go outside to do her business; if I'm busy, even if she asks nicely, she may have to wait a few minutes.  Why should it be any different for me, as a slave animal, when my owner is around?

Our rules around bathroom use are simple; if we are in the same room, I must ask to leave the room (which includes going to the bathroom), if he is home, I must ask to use the bathroom, and if we have messenger open on the computer while he is at work, I must ask to use the bathroom.  In the case of him being at work, if there is no answer, I am to wait fifteen minutes and then go.  Sometimes I wait longer, just because I'd rather wait for him to return.  Sometimes, if I am involved in something and don't ask until the need is urgent, that fifteen minutes is pure agony.

So, what's fun about it?

Well, other than the basics of being controlled, squirming desperate begging girls are one of my Master's biggest turn-ons.  Sometimes I think he loves seeing the ever-more-desperate messages on IM when I really have to go and he's away working.  (I like to beg the fifteen minutes away just in case he comes back to have mercy early).  The visual aspect, in person, is not to be easily dismissed either.  Wriggling around and squeezing your thighs together can look remarkably similar to sexual arousal in some respects.

Desperation can come on quickly or slowly, depending on how much liquid has been consumed, and of course a slave is very vulnerable to torture when in this position, either by being forced to drink more liquid, or by pressing on her already full bladder.  It's a great time for humiliation as well, and imagine the horror at being taken out in public while incredibly desperate!

Additionally, a full bladder presses on the interior of the G-spot, so that pressure from an increasingly enlarged and full bladder can cause sexual arousal.  Who'd have thought?  Well, the Japanese for one, who have a whole fetish, omorashi, revolving around women with full bladders.  They have a game show about it, where girls compete to hold out the longest, and it has a huge anime/manga subculture attached to it.  Just think, all those desperate girls who only need to find the right Dom to beg for their release from!  Oh, bathroom release of course.  We'll have to talk about begging for the other kind of release another time.

So, what's it like in practice?

It can be intense.  It can be a big turn-on, though it's hard for me to define whether it's giving over control that sets my motor humming or whether it's the physical sensation of that press on the G-spot.  There is definitely some sort of physical component involved, though it may be friction from all the squirming and the concentration on muscle control.  I don't enjoy holding it so long that I end up with cramps, or so long that I completely lose control, though who knows if Master will push me that far some day.  The thought both frightens and excites me. 

It's important to be aware that if you are prone to frequent kidney or bladder infections, have a UTI, or kidney disease, or any other disorder where holding your urine could cause medical problems that bathroom use control is not for you.  Like any other BDSM activity, your own mental and physical health should come before kink.  It helps if you do regular kegel exercises, which will greatly increase both your control and your comfort.

If you're unsure, give it a try on a limited basis.  It might be your thing, and you might like that squirmy intensity.

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Weekend Musings: The Local Public Scene

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Weekend Musings: Play Parties, Munches, and Public Gatherings

Recently, the Masterly one was talking with some people online who were saying they had no interest in or intention on attending any munches, workshops or the like because they were too "private."  Another woman on MyDungeonSpace mentioned in a forum post about her first foray into "public play" (in reality, a private meeting between her and someone she'd met on the internet) was disastrous, and had turned her off of any rt meetings in the BDSM realm.  Both of these things boggle my mind.

I've known that I was very interested in BDSM from a young age, and so my first attempts to connect with others were done at an age too young to really do such things (not something I recommend, I could have gotten a lot of people in trouble for my lies about my age).  I never had any qualms about meeting people, and a time or two that got me into trouble - mainly because I disregarded the advice given to me by more experienced players - but when it came right down to it, I gained far more than I lost from the public interaction.

After I met my Masterly one, we moved to a smallish town in northern Alberta for a number of years.  This was a culture shock from growing up in Chicago in many ways, not the least of which was the lack of an active and thriving BDSM community.  (And the lack of great libraries, great theatre, great improv comedy, a great ballet company, a great symphony orchestra, jazz clubs, interesting galleries, a beach, a thriving arts scene, compassion and acceptance for people leading alternative lifestyles... shall I go on?  Lets just say I spent a long, long time being miserably homesick and crying when movies showed the Chicago skyline).  When we moved here to Calgary, in so many, many ways I had a sense of coming home.  I'd never lived here before. Heck, I'd never even visited Calgary before, so we moved here blind. Still and all, there was a rich and wonderful city to explore, and some of the best people we've met have been those in the local BDSM scene.

We started off at a MAsT meeting, where we had the chance to chat with other couples who lived lifestyles much like our own.  I'm naturally incredibly shy, and it took me some time to be able to speak up.  Everyone else knew each other, and seemed to have known one another for quite a while.  Would we fit in?  Would we be shunned as newbs?  Yes, we would fit in just fine, and no, of course we weren't shunned.  I began to relax into a familiar head space; being among people who really understood me.

When you are different from the norm, it can be very difficult to feel like someone can really relate to you.  Sure, you may share interests with your vanilla friends, but you have to watch the way you refer to your partner, the things that you share.  If you mention that you have a hobby of making rope floggers, those girls from the book club are going to look at you a little funny.  In reality, even if you live in a 24/7 TPE relationship as we do, that part of you is probably only 25% of your life.  What that means though, is that you're always hiding that 25% of who you are.  You can never be wholly and unabashedly yourself.

But you can, with kink friends.  I know that my Masterly one worried, because he didn't have much rt experience interacting with others, and for the time before I met him, he'd been hanging around in Gorean chat rooms (and it's rare to find a more intolerant group, in general, than Goreans.  Let's be honest here.)  He was worried that people would judge him because he practiced his lifestyle differently from the way they might, I think.  But what I knew was that it didn't work that way.  There is so much intolerance in the rest of the world that in general, the kink world embraces you for who you are, and appreciates you for what it is that you do, even if it isn't what they do.  "Your kink is not my kink, and that's okay."

Once you're able to relax with people, once you're able to be one hundred percent yourself, you can create deeper friendships more quickly than you'd ever dream possible.  It's a wonderful thing.

Munches

You can't tell munch groups from other restaurant patrons

We go to three different munch groups in the area now, and we've met amazing people at all of them.  We don't have to worry about getting funny looks when Master orders for both of us, or when I ask his permission to go to the restroom.  People don't question why I wait to start eating until he begins (sometimes a challenge to wait when plates are coming out in a staggered fashion for a large group!), and they don't stare if I'm wearing a collar of some sort.  Most of the conversation is normal everyday chatter, such as what the construction down town is doing to traffic patterns or how the Stanley Cup playoffs are going.  Other times, we might be talking about a new toy we bought or a workshop or event coming up, though instead of this being about a camper or boat or a concert or comedy show, we're talking about Hitachi wands and leather cuffs, sounding workshops and play parties.

If you've never been to a munch, it's a great first step in the public BDSM arena.  The dress is casual, the location vanilla (generally a restaurant, bar, or pub of some sort), and the conversation is typically mild.  It's not a meat market, so don't go expecting to find a person to take home, it's about making friends and getting to know one another.  It's a great networking tool, as well, to find out who the kink-friendly professionals in your area are, or to find out when the less-publicized events are taking place.  I've heard some people express concern about not knowing how to "act" at a munch, but really, if you have enough manners that you're not generally kicked out of restaurants when you're there on your own, you're going to be fine.  There are generally no protocols in place, and if you are new and submissive, no one is going to start ordering you around or making demands of you.  Or, if they do, they will generally get put in their place by other attendees pretty darn quick.

Play Parties

Some play parties are hosted by groups, such as Whiplash Productions or Bottoms Up here in Calgary or COPE (Come Out and Play Edmonton) a bit north of here.  These usually involve an entry fee, and the signing of a few documents about liability.  If you've never played at a party before, you don't have to be afraid here either.  Check out the rules and regulations of wherever you are playing; most venues do not allow photography or recordings.  They have cleaning supplies available, and usually provide beverages and snacks. There are usually standard safewords used (the red-yellow-green system is prevalent here).

Why are play parties great?  Because often you'll get to try new things that you never dreamed of.  Let's face it, some BDSM toys and activities come with hefty price tags.  For example, when we were up in that small northern town, we invested in a cupping set because we thought it was interesting.  And, it was, luckily enough for us, something we enjoyed.  For other things that spark our interest though, we did not want to make the investment without knowing what the payoff would be.  Luckily for us, there are play parties.

This weekend I discovered a new love; the violet wand.  I wouldn't have known the tricks you can do with it, or the various sensations you can create if it hadn't been for a couple of friends of ours. I got to play with it (or, more accurately, get played WITH, with it) for quite a lot that evening, and can't wait to try it again.  Would it have been a good investment for us?  Yes.  But that $300 - 600 to buy one isn't easy to spend without knowing.

Also, at play parties, you can get introduced to new techniques.  I have loved fire play for a long time.  What fire play with a girl who almost was killed in a house fire?  Yeah.  Fire scares the hell out of me, because I know the destructive power of it rather intimately.  It's why I love it.  This weekend, a lovely Dom friend set me on fire.

We had dabbled in a bit of fire play with cigars and the like in the past, but never had heard of nor knew how to implement the use of flash cotton in our scenes.  It was positively breathtaking for me, and I cannot wait to do it again.  I never would have known how much it would affect me if it hadn't been for that experience at a play party.  Believe me, fantasies are nice and all, but reality is so much better.  I mean heck, I also got elaborately bondaged to another beautiful woman, and got to spank a really cute girl with a paddle.  How can you have more fun in a night than all that??

Workshops

For the new-to-the-lifestyle BDSMer, workshops are a godsend.  They are the way that one generation of kinksters can pass along their knowledge and wisdom to the next.  There are many, many activities that I believe everyone should attend a workshop for before attempting (including sounding, single-tail whippings, brandings, needles, heck most every edge play scenario, electrical play, etc) if they do not have someone to mentor them in the skill. 

Lets take sounding as a great example.  This is something I've been curious about for some time, but hadn't even mentioned it to my Master because without a workshop, wasn't NO ONE gonna stick me with one of those babies.  I may be a no-limits slave, but thankfully he is smart enough not to actually do that without learning first (or any other activity for that matter).  It was during a conversation at a munch that it came up that there was more interest in the community for it than just me, and talk came up about a workshop possibly being held this fall.  Score!  See why munches are useful?  It's that networking thing.

Workshops are a great way to try new activities under supervision after being carefully taught.  As the submissive partner in the relationship, it allays a lot of my fear, and makes me feel safe from harm.  There is nothing like education on a topic to make it accessible to everyone.

To make a long post even longer, all I have to say is that for those who are afraid of public events, get yourself out there!  There are so many more possibilities than you'll ever know, if you don't stick your toe in the pool.  If you are afraid, like me, of being accepted because you don't look like a playboy bunny, then stop being silly.  No one looks like a playboy bunny, unless they carry around an airbrush kit to use on themselves moment-to-moment.  If you're afraid because it would compromise your name, know that those in the scene are generally discreet and respectful.  They accept the use of pseudonyms (scene names) because there is always that risk of your identity getting around.  Unless you are outing others, it's unlikely that anyone is going to be rude and cruel enough to out you.  If you're afraid of not knowing what to do, just tell people you're new.  You'll find someone to take you under their wing.

Trust me, it's gonna be okay.

Read His View for more information

Review Thursday: The Nipple Bulb

So - new toy this week, some nipple sucker thing with a bulb and plastic tube.  It was inventively called the 'nipple bulb'.  I was so impressed with the thought that went into this toy that I just had to buy it when I saw it on Pink Cherry.  This was part 2 of my order there a few weeks ago.

Sarcasm aside (for now) my girl likes suction toys.  Since I haven't had my parts suctioned I take her word that it's really cool.  I also enjoy seeing how the suction works on her body, so I guess from my point of view it's kind of cool as well.

Onto the product itself.  It isn't very complicated, there is a moderate sized rubber ball on one end, and on the other end a hard plastic tube a couple inches long.  The theory is that you squish the rubber bulb, put the plastic thingy over something, then let go and voila, instant suction!

I haven't had 'impressive' luck with toys like this in the past.  Maybe I'm just wishing for something more 'hardcore' or my ideal image of what is going to happen doesn't exist.

The first thing I noticed about the toy itself when we opened it was that the aperature was not 'large'.  Since my girl has 'large' nipples, I was skeptical that this was 'one size fits all nipples'.  I would know, I play with them often enough to judge their size without having to compare directly.

I was also dissappointed to find that they had only shipped me three rubber rings.  The package showed four rings.  This sad discovery was later rectified when my girl told me I was blind and there was obviously four of them.  I believe she slipped an extra one in there from her stash of things I don't know she has.

Onto playtime.  I deduced that you slippd the ring on the plastic column (there is a handy indent where it sits) then did the suction thing, then rolled the ring off onto the nipple.  Not rocket science I figured it couldn't be that hard.

So I squeeze the bulb as hard as I could and set it over her nipple, then released the bulb.  No suction.  Hmm.  Her nipples were too big for me to actually enclose them fully with the narrow aperature (just what I was afraid of).  So, onto plan B.  Ram the thing down onto her nipple and squish in her breast to form a seal.  Release bulb.  The bulb stays squished up - also what I was afraid of, but at least it created a seal.

After some wiggling and creative (read 'deft') finger movement I managed to get it centered on her nipple.  Then with some more manipulation of the bulb it suddenly *fwwooopp* sucked her nipple into the tube.  She seemed as shocked as I was.

I didn't get the impression that it had distended her nipple at all, it had just finally pulled it up into the tube.  There wasn't any way to increase the suction so that was about as good as we were going to get.  Ok, so I rolled the rubber ring off the tube and onto her nipple.  I think it pinched quite sharply because she jumped and went 'ooohh!!!' and the suction thing that I was holding lost it's grip on her nipple with a slurping sound - which provoked another startled noise at the same time.  Note - apparently the rings pinch a bit.

I played with the nipple to see how supple it was - it was quite supple, which meant it wasn't hard, but was still distended, the ring apparently works, cool.

Onto the other nipple - with even less luck.  This one is just slightly larger, and that slightly caused problems.  I did manage to get some suction going, but it wasn't all the way onto the base.  I figured what the heck, and slid the ring on anyway.  I was quickly informed that it was purely painful, and not in a fun way.  This also led me to discover that taking the damn rings off was difficult, they didn't want to 'roll' and pulling them off her nipple just didn't want to work.  I eventually had to just drag it off before she started flailing at me in pain.  Note - figure out a better way to remove those before I have to do it again.

So, to get this to work we had to get her less excited and let her nipple soften up a bit.  Now if you think pleasing a woman is hard, try 'not' pleasing a woman while at the same time she's waiting for you to put something on that is going to suction her nipple.  This process took a while.  Eventually I got impatient with her constant arousal and just tried again.  With some creative fiddling around we got that ring on as well.

Now at this point they look mildly interesting.  I'll consider going through this whole process again and seeing what 'long term' wear is possible.  But for short term 'playing' - definately too much work.

At this poing I'm looking at the two extra rings wondering if I could put them on her nipples as well.  Instead she reminds me that we used to have suction toys that went in other places.  Ah ha!  She didn't 'want' to remind me about that, (not that I'd really forgotten) but when I dragged it out of her it sounded like a delightful idea (made even better because she looked worried at the thought of it).

Now not that she 'fights' persay, but I know she didn't want to let me drag off her pants and get down there.  Which was kind of half the fun anyway.  It didn't take long to get her in the spirit of things though.  The results were also worth the effort.  It went on much smoother (I didn't try a ring because I was concerned about getting it back off).  But I did leave the bulb attached and attempted some 'manuevers' with it (which involved twisting, tugging and stretching).  This didn't take nearly as much work and was a lot more fun - definately the 'proper' use for this kind of toy.

Overall - not something I'd throw in my bag for a quick play.  Not that the toy itself isn't good (it is) but if I want to use something on her nipples it just wouldn't be my first, or third, choice.  As mentioned I'll be exploring the long term usage at a later time to see what possibilities that has (the rings didn't seem 'too' extreme, so I think wearing them under clothing could be fun for both of us).  The saving grace is that it's a great quick and easy suction toy for use elsewhere, which will likely be what it is used for more often.

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I am the Face of BDSM

Recently, I read a posting on Fetlife that really bothered me.  It was one of those "My way is the twue way" articles discussing how great online mental D/s was, and how vanillas were missing out on great orgasms, while more extreme BDSMers were "freaks" (among other derogatory pronouns used).  I like reading about what works for other people, and if the article had stuck to that, great.  I have sympathy for people in online or long distance relationships, and know how difficult it can be, because ten years ago, that's where I was stuck with my Master, half a continent apart. 

What I cannot stand, however, is people trying to put themselves on a pedestal by shoving everyone else down into the dirt.  The author attempted to justify this by saying the article was written for vanillas to read, in order to entice them to try using D/s in their bedroom play.  I take issue with the idea that putting down BDSM players and talking about how "disgusting and unsafe" (again a direct quote) they are is a way to do anything other than perpetuate negative stereotypes about the lifestyle.  His rebuttal was that they already think that we're disgusting, so that way they'd relate to his article.

Really?  That just turned my stomach.  Which was interesting, since another word he used for us was "stomach-turning".  The people I know in the lifestyle are anything but stomach-turning.  They are funny and articulate and intelligent.  They have great careers and loving families.  They are parents and professionals and artists and everyday, ordinary people.  They are gentle and kind with friends who are hurting.  They are playful and fun-loving, and have barbeques in the park with water-gun fights.  They like to chat about their favourite hobbies at wing night with their friends.  They like to go out for pizza and a movie.  And sometimes, they like to play hard with naughty implements for everyone's mutual benefit.

I am making this post because what vanilla people really need to know, in order to combat prejudice, is that everyone in the lifestyle, regardless of their particular kink, is just like them.  I am just like them.  You are just like them.  I want them to have a picture beyond the prejudice of who the face of BDSM really is.

It's me.  It's you.  I want to add to this list.  Please comment here or use the feedback form on our site to tell me how you are the face of BDSM (I will add feedback to the original post as it comes in, and pictures if you want to send them along as well).  We average over 100 visitors per day, with our best day boasting over 800.  I know you are out there.  Help me spread the word and show people what the real face of BDSM is.

I am the face of BDSM.  I am just like you.  I'm not scary.  I won't try to convert you.  I believe everyone should have the right to practice love and pleasure on their own terms.

I am the woman walking the fluffy shih tzu in the park, who waved hello to you this afternoon.

I am the shy, quiet member of the book club.

I am the friend you had puppy-sit your new doggie for two weeks, who wouldn't accept pay after your husband lost his job.

I am the friend who brought dinner and dessert to your house when your baby had a fever and you were stressed.

I am the cousin who comes up with the perverse answers when playing "Things" with the family.

I am the woman in the craft store looking at cross-stitch patterns.

I am the writer who penned the article on yarn types that helped you finish your project.

I am the person who anonymously paid for the breakfast tabs of elderly folks eating alone, just because.

I am the woman who friends think is "a little too deferential" to her husband.  I'm also the woman who everyone thinks is still lucky because she and her husband act like honeymooners after ten years.

I am in love.

I am the face of BDSM.

Show the world the real face of BDSM along with me.

Review Thursday: Nipple Bulb

Just like last week, our review focuses this Thursday on an item we purchased from Pink Cherry.  I would link you directly to the items, but they appear to have been removed from the site; perhaps they're out of stock for now.  If you're looking for them, keep an eye on Pink Cherry's Nipple Toy Page or check out other sites online.  I've seen this item in lots of places, so it shouldn't be too difficult to locate. I believe that we spent about $15 Canadian on this item, though your price may vary at different locations.  The first thing I thought of was how awesome this would be for people with inverted nipples, because they seem to offer long-term nipple erection.  Interesting!

The box contains a rubber ball suction device attached to a glass column, and four small silicone type rubber bands. You slide one of the rings onto the glass column, then depress the suction device before placing it over a nipple, allowing it to suck the nipple up into the tube before sliding the ring down onto the base of the nipple.

A caveat here:  This is very size specific.  I would recommend checking this out at your local adult toy store for scale before purchase. The glass column itself is a little narrow.  It barely, barely worked on my nipples (which I will admit, are probably a bit larger than average, but not too extreme!).  If nipples were quite small (such as on a male) the column would likely be quite a bit bigger than necessary.


This size difference wouldn't be such a big deal if the way the item was intended to work wasn't so dependent on size.  The rings are roughly the same size as the glass column, and so being slid down onto very small nipples, I can see where they would simply fall off.  For someone who is just the right size, on the other hand, this is an interesting toy.

Once upon a time, we had snakebite kit type nipple suckers which I adored.  We also had little nipple "nooses" which we had a lot of fun with - particularly being worn under clothing to maintain permanently erect nipples when out in public.  This promised a similar type of sensation to these two, hopefully combining the best of both worlds.

Master had a little bit of struggle with the placement of this, again because the sizing was pretty tight.  The suction was pretty delicious; not super-strong so it wasn't painful, but strong enough that you couldn't ignore what was going on.  There's a sudden snapping shock of sensation when the band is rolled down and onto the nipples.  It definitely made me jump.  You'll want to steel yourself for that moment; it's not painful like the bite of a clamp, but somehow extremely jarring.  With the band in place, the suction bulb can be gently wriggled off.  That's just the start of the fun.

The light binding of the nipple isn't painful, but it does ensure that the nipple will stay hard.  This is where I think it would come in handy for people with inverted nipples.  The band around the base will allow for plenty of nipple stimulation; it's small, and so doesn't block off the nipple in any way.  If desired, you could play with the nipple manually or orally or use other toys such as clamps, vibration, anything you would like to stimulate the nipple while it's standing up proudly.  The visual is kind of nice too, as it does stand it up high and hard, the suction making it quite tall.

After a little time, I reminded the Masterly type of the "other" place that we often used the snakebite style suckers in the past.  Yep, that sensitive little nub between the legs.  I was worried with the narrow glass tube that this wouldn't work well, but when it comes down to it, my clit isn't terribly huge.  And it does love the suction.  Oh my.

The Masterly one got an evil glint in his eye.  He loves playing with toys.  And suction things, too.  It wasn't more than a minute before he was between my legs.  There was some initial yelping and protest as I was still a bit sore from some rough activities the night before, but within a minute or two he had me purring like a kitten and squirming with splayed thighs.  He knows just how to push my buttons, this one in particular.

At any rate, before long, he had the toy poised over my clit.  The suction here was far, far more intense of a sensation than on the nipples.  It still wasn't painful, but that may be just because I enjoy the sensations so much.  I'm not sure if the silicone ring ever made it onto my clit, as I quickly got so aroused by the tugging and pulling on the bulb itself that I was close to orgasm.  I never had that jumpy OMG moment that I did when it slid onto my nipples so I suspect not.  It wasn't long before I was exploding, and Master was using his mouth to remove the rings from my nipples... ahhh bliss.

Overall this is a fun, non-severe toy that will work well for even those with zero pain tolerance.  I still think the snake bit suckers are a little better on my clit but the rings make this unique.  I'm interested in finding out how the rings perform in keeping nipples at full attention long-term, under clothes, out in public, but that'll have to wait for another occasion.  I do think they'll perform well, though.

A warning:  Be sure that the nipple is completely encased in the glass tube before sliding the band down onto the base of the nipple.  With one try, it was at a bad angle, and the band slid onto the base of my nipple on one side and the middle on the other side (at an angle in other words).  This did result in some pretty intense discomfort, though it was quickly remedied.

Read His View for more information

Technique Tuesday: Teasing

So - like with everything there is a story.  For me it started with wanting my slave to be available for me whenever I wanted her to be available.  Sure this might sound sexy, but it wasn't just about sex (or not specifically 'that' kind of available).  It was more about the control - I wanted to know I could touch her wherever and whenever I wanted.  I tried various things, but she never really seemed to get there - she didn't like to be casually touched or played with.  I guess I could kind of understand that, but in a way it was disappointing.

I'm not sure if it was my continued pressing of her, or if she just happened to come across orgasm denial randomly one day - I like to think my training attempts bore fruit, but hey I'm not that picky.  To shorten a long story, I was on board for the orgasm denial, like I needed an excuse to exercise control or something - yeah right.  Things went well, really well actually.  There is a point where she tips over the top of 'interested' and starts falling into the valley of 'cranky' but once we located that point it is easy to manipulate.

I think it was during that process that she found enjoyment in casual attention.  While she was being denied she would beg to just be played with even knowing there wasn't going to be a 'happy ending'.  I wasn't one to object, but I still had other things to do, so she got 'unfocused' attention a lot of the time (this feeds into her mild objectification fetish).  And this is where we are today.

The mental process -

I like begging, desperation, focused 'neediness' and incoherent 'want'.  I like being the one to both give the sensation that leads up to that point, and to control if it continues, stops, or moves into something more intense.  If you've been following along this is likely a 'so what else is new' moment since I seem to say that kind of thing a lot.  There is something to be said of having a 'toy' to play with while you're doing other things - if you haven't tried it, you don't know what you're missing.

The physical process -

This isn't static of course, but is dependant on the position I'm in.  Generally the position involves her leaning against me with my arm around her, or her laying with her head in my lap - this gives me access to the top half of her body.  Now I love her breasts, don't get me wrong, but that isn't what it's all about either.  Remember this is usually 'passive' attention - I'm not really focusing on what I'm doing.  This usually involves petting, stroking and mild nipple play.  Often I'll just stroke her hair, or idly slide my fingers across her stomach.

To pick things up a bit I'll take a minute or two and focus on her nipples, or some mild breath play.  I usually don't continue for prolonged periods when I'm just teasing - partly because that takes focus, and partly because usually we're watching TV and if I play with her too much she completely misses what's going on (surprise surprise).

I guess in short, it really doesn't matter 'what' you're doing - its the touch that matters.  Mix up casual touching with more intimate 'playing' and eventually you get her in a 'state' (as she calls it).  Doing this for hours is apparently a form of pleasure torture, since she begins writhing and whimpering.

Now the touch differs if say, she's laying beside me and I'm sitting up.  Then I can reach her lower half, and it's even more fun (though more intense) to idly play with her clit than with her nipples.  Obviously it's more sensitive, (YMMV here) you really don't have to do much here to get the same effect - long periods of gentle stimulation usually get to the begging stage faster than anything else.  There is also a host of sexy things about a woman's legs that I'll leave you to discover on your own if you don't know already.

Edging -

Without going into orgasm denial (since I think that's a separate topic) I wanted to touch on edging a bit while we were talking about teasing.  This is a more direct form of teasing that both takes concentration and a bit of knowledge of your partner.  What do I mean by edging?

For me, edging is when I am giving her 'intense' stimulation to the point where she 'could' cum.  Now in our dynamic she has to ask, again YMMV, so I have the luxury of saying 'not yet' and having her co-operate here.  If you don't have that luxury you just have to be a bit more careful.  Changing the stimulation, backing off, or alternately doing something and 'not' allowing her to cum at that point is (I'm sure) torture enough, but the key here is to keep her at that point.  Never let the 'pleasure' fade off, keep doing what you're doing to hold her at that point.

This is where the knowledge of your partner is necessary.  I can read when she's getting close, so I know if I need to back off a bit.  I like knowing how my toys work (inside and out) so this was a fun process for me to discover.  Now I feel like I can play her like an instrument, pushing a button here, stroke a chord there and voila!

Also with edging I'd be careful not to 'overdo' it.  I think at some point it starts to lose it's effectiveness, you'll have to determine that point for yourself.  It's also fatiguing on you (the doer) to keep up that stimulation indefinately.  I usually set a realistic time, like 5 or 10 minutes.  I also like telling her what the current time limit is going to be and counting it off for her.  Sometimes I count backwards and watch her get a really wild/frustrated/angry look in her eyes that makes it all worth it.

To end -

I think the teasing ties more into the mental aspect of submission than into the physical.  If you're interested in mental domination it's definitely something that should be in your 'bag of tricks'.  There are a multitude of ways you can fuck her head while you're fucking with her body at the same time - I won't give away all my secrets, but if you're even a little sadistic I'm sure you can already see the possibilities.

Read Her View for more information.