Weekend Musings: Where is the Love?

For me the love that I share with my girl is so integral to our relationship sometimes I'm surprised when people talk about their BDSM relationships that are so casual.  I don't know if I could do the same kind of things casually that I do in a committed relationship.



Is love a requirement for D/s or M/s to work?

Before I started learning I would have said 'yes' because that was my own experience.  I just couldn't do this if I didn't care about the other person - maybe love was too strong of a word, but I wouldn't collar/own a person that I didn't love.  Of course I started doing the Gorean thing, so that puts me in kind of a different boat.  I really knew nothing about BDSM in general until I got more serious with my current slave, so after her I haven't had any other relationships.

From how I see things now ... yeah I can see it working for D/s, but I still can't see 'part time' M/s.  I guess this will depend on where you draw the line and how you distinguish these kind of labels.

Just so you know where I'm coming from -- (Keep in mind these are off the cuff personal definitions and are in no way meant to label anyone else or enforce my views on other people)

I define D/s as either a part time, or casual relationship.  Both parties have requirements and get together to 'play'.  Play can extend over long periods of time.  Couples who classify themselves as 'vanilla' part of the time fit in here with me as well.  Like they're putting on a role and 'doing' something at the time.

I define M/s as a long term committed relationship.  People who likely live together, or at least see each other regularly.  These people don't 'turn off' or begin 'play' sessions - when they are together they are 'inside' their M/s dynamic.

So from my above definitions you can see how D/s might fit into a more casual 'I care about you' or 'friendship' kind of relationship.

I still can't separate long term intimacy and 'love' though.  I suppose I don't see an M/s relationship as existing without intimacy, because of everything that is entails.  Complete surrender on the part of the submissive and complete control on the part of the Dominant.  In that type of relationship the communication and caring has to be strong on both sides just to survive.

Maybe I should say a 'long term' M/s relationship requires love - so many relationships burn out quickly that perhaps that is the secret for long term happiness.

Does romance hurt the dynamic?

Well - no.  I suppose if I didn't care if she was happy then I wouldn't care about romance.  I'm not sure what 'hurt' is caused by me liking to see her smile. If a romantic gesture accomplishes that smile what is the problem?  Does she come to expect those things?  I would hope not, though if she gave me a hard time because I didn't do something romantic we might be having a discussion - this doesn't include things that are important for other reasons (anniversaries, birthdays, etc).

I suppose this is where I have put another disclaimer.  I feel this way because I believe it is my job to take care of her (both mentally and physically), and not just use her for my own benefit.  Part of my role is controlling and guiding, and part of it is care-taking.  I suppose this makes it easier for me to give her what she 'wants' - but really if there isn't a benefit for me in denying her something, what is the true point?  Just because I can?  Yeah I do that, but not all the time, that's just silly.

What is love really?

Love is when you care enough about someone that their happiness is just as important as your own.  In this way making them happy and fulfilling them makes you happy and fulfills you in return.

Love also involves trust.  M/s relationships revolve around trust.  Love requires communication - so do M/s relationships.  You can see where I'm going with this ... things are so integral that it's natural to have them together.

What is love to me?

We have been through rough spots in our lives.  Because I love her I've been there for her and together we've been able to work through things.  I feel that together we are stronger than we would be apart.

I have a lover, a friend, someone to care for me when I'm sick or down, someone to encourage me and keep me on track - in many ways I have a partner that will share my life with me.

Does this affect our M/s Relationship?

Duh.  But I believe it affects it in a positive way, not a negative one.  She knows her place in our relationship, and if she pushed it I'd still be 'strong' enough to show her.  I don't think being in love weakens your dominance, it can only make it stronger (more tools in the toolbox).

Just to finish with a romantic gesture - I wouldn't trade our lives for anything.

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Weekend Musings: Love Connection

I've been seeing an awful lot of posts on various sites lately about love.  Is it necessary to have it in an M/s relationship?  Is it harmful to a D/s dynamic?  How does it affect submission?  Is it even possible to love a slave?

Sometimes it boggles me that people ask.  For me, there is no deeper love than what I have for my Master.  I can't imagine loving someone more in another relationship.

Do you have to have love in order for D/s or M/s to work?

Definitely not.  I have had D/s relationships which were purely based on friendship in the past.  I tend to be a bit dependent, and when I was struggling to recover from a previously abusive relationship, I had a friend step in and offer to be my shoulder and let me come to him if I had a situation I needed to talk about or needed some guidance in.  This was important to me.  I can function perfectly fine in any independent situation, but sometimes, particularly when it comes to personal decisions, I just don't want to have to figure one more thing out.  I just want someone to tell me the right thing to do, even if I already sort of know what it is.

That kind of dynamic can work quite well, and I can see how, especially in a part time relationship, you can have simply friendship or companionship without love in D/s.  But M/s is something entirely different for me.

I had submitted to others before my Master.  I had never, though, truly been a slave.  I had never been willing to hand over everything that I was (and willingly so, I might add), to abdicate all responsibilities, to surrender every choice, and to trust him deeply enough that I would play without a safe word.  I can do all of that for one reason and one reason only; I love him.

It is because of my love for him that I am willing to give everything, but it is as much about his love for me as anything else that allows me to trust him to the extent that I do.  I know how important I am to him.  I know that his love for me would not allow him to cause me grievous harm, or to truly cause me psychological distress long-term (short term, oh sure, but long term?  No.)  I know that because he loves me, his use of me will be for mutual benefit, not just his own.  I know that I am safe in his hands, and that no matter what he chooses to put me through (possibly something not of my desire, let alone of my choosing), that I will make it through it, because he would not put me onto a path he couldn't safely guide me along.

Does romance hurt the dynamic?

With us, no.  I have heard some dominant men say that they cannot love a slave, because that slave will use the love against them.  That isn't love; that is manipulation.  Love is when another person's happiness is integral to your own.  What makes my Master happy is controlling me, and so why would I try to use his love for me to get my own way?  I love him, so I would never do that.  There is a risk, of course.  There is always a risk when you put your heart on the line that the other person will not feel the same way, or will eventually stop feeling the same way, or might possibly use your emotions against you, but that is a risk in any vanilla relationship as well.  That is a risk with a friend, with a family member, with a pet that you adore.  It can be a risk in M/s.  But like any gamble, if the reward wasn't worth it, there wouldn't be any point in putting your money down.

Because I am loved, some have called me a spoiled slave.  Mostly those people are those who have only ever experienced M/s as a slave in a Gorean chat room, who turn off the computer and go have dinner with their vanilla husband, whom they proceed to order about like a personal servant.  Yes, I am indulged.  Yes, if I ask for a piece of chocolate, I am rarely refused.  I am often kissed.  I am cuddled after bad dreams and there are many, many "I love you"s exchanged in our household.  If I am sick, I am cared for, and if I am lonely or sad, there are always hugs.

Of course, because my Master loves me, he also knows some very intimate things about the workings of my head.  Because I love him, my vulnerability is increased exponentially.  I am easier to mess with; there is no mind fuck like the mind fuck inflicted with love, believe me.  My fear is also deepened at times, and since Master loves the look of fear, this can be a fun thing for him to play with.  And that's okay with me, because as mentioned previously, I know that I'm safe, no matter how scary it gets.  Deep down, I know that I'll be looked after. 

  Because I love him, I can be whatever he needs in a woman at that moment.

Love; it's in everything we do.

Love adds a depth to our interaction that can't be replicated by other means.  We recently discovered a statistic that we found rather sad; the average M/s relationship lasts seven months.  Months?  Really?  So how have we managed to last for ten years?

Because we love one another.  Our commitment to one another is deep.  We are motivated to work past roadblocks and rt issues and problems that others might dismiss a relationship over.  We are interested in learning and growing together instead of letting ourselves grow apart.  Love is the glue that gets us through the hard times in life.  I think the D/s helps us overcome the high divorce rate averages and pitfalls, and love helps us overcome the short average M/s relationship lifespan.  The combination makes you bulletproof.

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Review Thursday: DIY Rope Flogger

A while ago my girl found some online directions for making rope floggers.  Cool stuff actually, it wasn't a material I would have expected to use for that.  Since I have my own love of rope this seemed double great for me.

We went to Totem and spent about $20 on supplies.  Finding the rope wasn't any trouble (braided cotton), but it took forever to finally locate the solid rings that had been recommended.  We ended up finding them and probably bought ones that are a bit too large, but it was better to have too big rather than too small.  I think everything was less than $20, so definitely a good deal.

Put together they actually looked pretty cool.  I know I expressed my reservations about the knotted ends when I saw them, since I'm the one that actually throws the flogger I know how it ends up landing.  Much of the 'thwack' comes from the ends, especially when you're working high on the back near the shoulders, or on the bottom directly from behind.  She assured me that this was how the directions had explained things.

Well the other day I decided that a good flogging was in order - I'm sure you know how that goes, sometimes you are just in the mood for it.  Since these new rope floggers are all we currently have it was time to break them in.

I decided to start with the heavier rope, the lighter looked like it would be stingier and better for use later on.  I'd practiced a bit with these so I knew what to expect throwing them.  I landed a few (what I considered) light blows and she was already yelling.  I could tell from the sound that the knots were landing quite harshly on her skin.  This wasn't really the kind of sensation I wanted to start off with.

I continued working with it, giving liberal breaks.  Her skin started to redden in small little dotted patches, which really proved what was causing the impact on her skin.  During this first process she was quite wiggly and I could tell it wasn't all 'fun' for her.  Finally when I had properly leathered her skin she seemed to relax and enjoy it.  At that point I assume the sensation must have changed to something more comfortable and the 'thuddy' impact was more enjoyable.

I also found a good use for the tufted ends of the rope flogger, they'd frayed to a point where they felt like small cotton balls, which made her shiver nicely when I worked them across her red skin.

I tried to 'spank' her with the flogger as well, but it wasn't well suited for that.  The tips are too heavy with the knots to snap properly.  Using it across her bottom worked but again the knots landed more solidly, so to get an even sensation I would have to keep changing sides I was beating her from.

I broke out the smaller flogger about half way through.  It was more easily controlled, but even light strokes with it caused her to jump and cry out.  I didn't try to push it too far since she'd had a hard enough time warming up to begin with.  I'll break it out again for a full try another day when I have something else to warm her up with.

During the use I found that it performed well.  It flew and stayed together until it landed and splayed.  I managed to get a good rhythm going in multiple permutations.  Having the rings at the end was actually a nice benefit for some situations.

I'm not sure how the handles were created exactly but the woven grips worked wonderfully to keep it from slipping.  It was also solid enough to give me the control I needed to properly throw it.  Overall it was a fantastic project, and I'm quite happy that she found it and took the initiative.

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Review Thurday: The Rope Flogger

A few months back, I found directions online for constructing rope floggers.  They were pretty simple, really; Buy a ring and a length of rope, cut the rope into 5-foot sections, double it over through the rings, knot the ends and wrap a twine handle round the top.

Cotton on top, Cotton-poly blend on the bottom.

I can do that, I thought.  It was off to Totem I went, to procure a couple of different types of rope.  I chose a thinner, tightly woven cotton and a thicker, "meatier" poly-cotton blend.  The rings were a bit more trouble to find.  I couldn't imagine where they'd be located, but they were in the section of little drawers that have all the different types of nuts and bolts.  They come in a multitude of sizes, and I think I went a little bit too generous on the sizes, but I wasn't sure exactly how tightly the rope would compress within the rings, this being my first time making them, so decided safe was better than sorry.

All in all, the supplies for both floggers cost me well under $20, including the twine I already had at home from previous projects.  Inexpensive, and they didn't take too much time to complete either.  The handles were created by tying overhand knots snugly around the outer perimeter of rope, the ends woven inside.  While I cut the smaller rope into four foot lengths, I cut the thicker into five feet lengths (thus the differences in the sizes of the floggers.

As to the actual use of the floggers, let me just say first that the knots have a lot of power.  Because of the intensity they create, these are absolutely not warm-up floggers.  Yowch.  Though the Masterly one seemed delighted in telling me how polka-dotted I became, the sensations were a little too intense at the beginning.  And when the knots wrap up over the top of a shoulder or around the side of a waist/hip region.... well holy crap.  It hurts like hell.

The intensity at the beginning made it pretty hard to relax, and I had to concentrate on my breathing and my muscle control (not easy when every inch of you is trying to reflexively react to what is physically going on) just to manage to stay in place.  It seemed as though I could feel each individual knot as it landed, which was really unnerving.  It took some time for the "leathering" of the skin to take place, at which point the sensations really shifted.

Instead of intense pain from the knots, it became an overall, thuddy and heavy sensation.  Ahhh, that was much better.  I could feel the tension and jumpiness dissipate as I relaxed into the sensations.  It actually became really, really nice after a while, and I started to revel in it, as I usually do with a flogging.

As for aftermath, there was quite a bit of soreness that evening, and some pretty little dotted bruises which bloomed to life in the morning.  I was pretty achey and stingy the next day too, which is one of the best things about a flogging in my opinion.  As time went on, I had started to crave harder and more serious blows, which I'm guessing would have left some pretty serious marks with those knots, so just a word to the wise on that one; this is not a non-marking play toy.

I think in the future, with a different flogger used for warm-up, this will become a fun and useful toy.  The heaviness of the knots, though, mean you need to already have some blood rushing to the skin surface and those lovely endorphins flowing before they land.  If you are interested in trying one out, it's worth the cheap investment and little bit of time it takes to create one.

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Technique Tuesday: Beat the Feet

I learned something new this week, which is always a good thing.  I don't think I've mentioned it on here, but I grew up reading the Gor series by John Norman.  It shaped a lot of my views on life in general and I still identify partly as a 'Gorean'.  Well, while doing some searching about this topic my girl discovered that Bastinado was actually used on Gor - I had no idea (or likely at the time reading it I had no idea what the word meant so it didn't stick in my head).

So - that's my cool T. trivia for the week.

Onto the real topic - Beating Feet.

For us this was a long process.  When we first met she wouldn't even let me look at her feet, let alone touch them.  Beating them was like some kind of crazy fantasy that was likely never going to come true.

Just like with everything else, taking it slow and working up to things is how you get it done.  I was actually kind of disappointed at first because I'd actually learned that feet can be a big erogenous zone for women and I'd practiced enough that I could give pretty killer foot massages (with ulterior motives).  So - to begin I started by explaining all that, then worked on her letting me touch them, then onto rubbing.  As a side note she has the most ticklish feet ever and it is 'very' hard to resist absolutely torturing her by tickling them all the time.

Kitty Demo Bottom

I think after the first 'real' foot massage I had her convinced, and since then she's been less skittish about me being near them.  I'm not sure that they're 'innocent' feet any longer, but she still claims that they are whenever I 'abuse' them.

Like many things, this was a topic she actually brought up.  While I push her limits I usually wait for her to accept that new boundary and come up with her own ideas so she moves forward at her own pace.  I'm not sure exactly where this idea came up and she actually had to explain it to me, but once I got the idea in my head it definitely became my own.

Caning of the feet - how to start?  With a cane of course.  First problem ... she is way too ticklish for 'light' caning.  She burst out in giggles and was kicking madly.  We ended up putting on a pair of really thick socks and working from there.  Also for the first few sessions I had to hold her feet down (or tie them) pretty tightly to prevent kicking and flailing.

We progressed into thinner socks, then finally onto bare feet.  It wasn't actually a long process, after every other session or so we advanced a bit further - I think she got more comfortable with it over time and could just enjoy the sensations.

Since we had a decent toy box (back in the past) I didn't limit myself to just caning her feet.  I've used floggers, slappers, wooden spoons - quite a few things actually on her feet.  Nothing seems to give the same effect or control as a cane does though.  I also particularly like the bouncy effect an acrylic cane has.  It's almost a fluid movement moving my wrist back and forth while it warps and bends a bit, letting the momentum take some of the effort.

In actual practice there are a ton of different ways to actually perform bastinado.  I'll focus on the cane, since that's what I use most often - with feet being small it's easier to control the blows with something a bit smaller.

Just like using a cane on other parts I'm sure most of the technique is the same.  Most of the force comes either from my wrist, or from the cane itself.

Rapid blows are performed by quickly flicking the wrist and letting the cane 'bounce' on the skin.  Since the canes are often slightly springy (unless they're huge), taking advantage of their momentum lets you create more force without putting out a lot of effort.

Harder and more solid blows can be performed by using a faster flick of the wrist and at the same time trying to press the crop through the skin so it doesn't rebound back.

Do you see the blissed look on her face?

Using the center of the cane usually has more spring than using the tip.  In fact the tip can cause a more direct and forceful blow to a small area, since it is the center that flexes the tip will hit solidly and stay firmly in place after the blow (I've noticed this becomes thuddier rather than stingyier).

I also make longer and more widely timed blows by using my whole arm and letting the weight of the cane cause the impact rather than the energy from my wrist.  The same kind of technique you use when flogging works here.  Some lighter canes still require force to land solidly.

Depending on your partner there is also a difference between striking both feet at once, or one at a time.  Often it's difficult to line them up properly unless they're tied, and even then your partner will likely try to hide one under the other.  I've found that I have to hold them with one hand and strike with the other.  There isn't a 'better' way of course, by striking one at a time you can get inside your partner's head, they never really know where the blows are going to land so it makes it harder to protect one (or both) of the feet.

Since this often mixes two of my favorite past times (bondage and impact play) it is definitely one of my favorite activities.  If you haven't tried it, start with a light tapping and see how that feels, then go from there.  I think it would be worth your while.

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The teasing of Rawr......

With my knees tucked up beneath me, curled into the corner of her sofa, I fanned myself idly.  It was hot, steaming in the apartment, and not just because of the girl beside me.  I traced one fingernail lightly against the back of her neck and watched her jump and squirm a bit.  I loved the way she reacted to that, it did something to me that I couldn't quite explain in words.  I moved my nails up through the short dark hair at the back of her neck, teasing and ruffling the silky locks. 

"Hot in here..." she murmured, prompting a small grin.

"You think?"  I replied, tipping my head to one side.  "Maybe I can fix that...."

My hand fell away from her neck and moved to the glass on the floor.  I slid one of the ice cubes into my fingertips, the liquid long gone, and surreptitiously raised it, her attention caught away for a moment.  A few seconds later, there were icy drops of water falling against the tattooed cherries on her chest, the water running in rivulets into her ample cleavage.  My eyes followed the path of the drops, lips curving up in a tempted smile. 

When the cold registered, she jumped, her skirt riding slightly higher on her thighs.  Her hand moved to her damp skin, fluttering there for a moment.  She saw my empty glass and offered, like the perfect hostess she always was, "Let me get you another..."

"Not what I had in mind, exactly," I murmured.  To keep her from getting away, I knelt upward, reaching around her to slide the ice along the opposite side of her neck.  Not that the attempt at escape was serious, but I was having too much fun for it to stop just yet.  I watched as the cold raised goosebumps along her porcelain skin, the little rivulets of water again tracing down to disappear into her cleavage.  It was just too tempting.  I let the ice go, and it slid into that lovely, warm little spot between the swell of her breasts, making her gasp.  "Ooops..." I managed with a smile.  "I guess I'll have to go get that, won't I?"

Before she could protest, my tongue was tracing the path of the ice cube, from the side of her neck down her body, long waves of blonde hair falling about my face, tickling along the surface of her skin as I moved.  I sighed as I traced the very tip of my little pink tongue along the upper curve of her breast, moving along one side, teasing along the dip of her cleavage, and then along the top of the other.  I could feel her breath catch, and I paused a moment, tentative, to peek up at her, not entirely sure if I was pushing her too far. 

Her answer was a hand twined in my hair.  I nipped at her breasts, one and then the other, moving deeper into her cleavage after that elusive cube of ice.  Her hand tightened its grip.  I couldn't help but purr... it had always been one of my triggers, that grip of a hand in my hair.  "God but you're beautiful..." I purred, just before biting hard, tugging at the tender flesh of her breast, running my tongue over the captured skin. 

I could feel her react, her hips shifting, her grip tightening in my hair, provoking a whimper of my own, her other hand swatting at me, lightly.  I let go, shifted, grinned at her from my position on my knees.  Kneeling upright made me taller than she was, in her sitting position.  I wasn't usually the one in power, but it somehow made me feel that way.  "Don't want me to keep looking for the ice?" I teased.

"I think it melted." She answered. 

I nodded.  "Had to, in contact with so much hotness."  Okay, it was corny.  I was hoping for a laugh, and I got a smile at least.  "We just have to use more, in that case."  Again, I moved before she could protest, grabbing my glass and moving to straddle her thighs, kneeling this time atop her, my free hand pushing her back onto the couch back.  I was grinning, fishing out another cube, wriggling against her all the while, and once I shoved the glass aside again I could see that she was amused as well.  I grabbed her dress at her cleavage roughly, my fingers disappearing inside of the fabric, tucked between her breasts.  "I think the only solution is to see if we can cool you down...."  I tugged at her dress, capturing her bra in the same motion, slowly dragging the fabric down and off of her body until her breasts sprang free.  I kept my eyes on hers as I popped the ice cube into my mouth and lowered my head, the heat of my lips finding her nipple, my teeth guiding the ice cube around it before pressing into it firmly. 

Beg me for it - Part 5

(( continued from - http://tenderly-possessed.blogspot.com/2011/05/beg-me-for-it-part-4.html ))

"I'll kill you!" she growls up at me, and her nails do dig into my thighs this time, a bit harder than I'd prefer.  So I do the reasonable thing - I slap her, moderately hard.

She blinks and freezes, staring up at me with a look of pure shock and surprise on her face.  Speechless, I'm impressed.
"Well I'm glad I got your attention," I say with a slightly amused lilt in my voice.

She pulls a hand back and lightly trails her fingertips over her cheek.  It probably still stings but should already be fading, I knew what I was doing when it came to this kind of stuff.

"I've got something else you can drink," I offer, cocking my head to the side and raising a single eyebrow in that 'how you doin' kind of look.  Sure it sounded corny, but I think at this point in the relationship we were at that point.

She blinks and me and her eyes narrow a bit, I can see the 'dream on' trying to make it's way to her lips, but she manages to restrain herself.  Cool.

I let go of her hair and she sits back firmly on her heels, still starting up at me with that look on her face, silent and almost curious.  I pull on the chain around my neck and tug the key out of my shirt.  Letting it fall to rest against my chest outside of my shirt.  I can tell she knows what it is - freedom, in a way.  Her way out of here.  I can also see she wants to reach for it and just run, but she doesn't.

"Please ... Sir, may I leave now?" she asks - not quite humble, but almost.

"Aren't you still thirsty?" I ask, once more putting on some fake curiosity.

She doesn't answer for a moment, then her head bows and there is a soft ... "Yes Sir" from somewhere beneath all the hair that flows around her face.

"I didn't hear that," I say, folding my arms over my chest.

I feel her hands pressing against my thighs and her fingers curling, doing that tentative hesitant finger crawl upward.  When they reach my waistband they curl into it and I have to steady myself as she pulls, raising herself until her face is about level with my belt.

"Please Sir ... can I ... can I touch - it?" her voice is also hesitant, but soft - a tone I'd become familiar with over the years.

"No." I answer firmly.

I love the inarticulate frustrated noise that's parts her lips at that word - what can I say, it just does it for me.

She leans forward and presses her forehead against the button of my pants.  Now this is always the part where it gets hard, in more ways than one.  I can feel her breath through the fabric of my clothing, and the mental image is damn hot.

"Please Sir ... please - I've done everything you've asked, please, let me do this ... please Sir," she continues, the words falling from her lips.  I almost think she's getting off on this as much as I am now.

"Alright," I finally answer, cutting into the begging litany.

She lets out another small sound, this one a bit of relief and a bit of something else - satisfaction maybe?  I don't help her, but she doesn't seem to need any, her fingers that were shaking just a moment ago are steady as they take off my pants and pull out my cock.

Her mouth makes a little 'O' of surprise and anticipation and she gets that look in her eye - you know the one, that says something like 'Wow - this looks yummy'.  There is a soft mmmm sound then bliss.  My fingers tangle in her hair and I let her get into her own rhythm.  Shes pretty good - definitely eager.  Maybe she really is thirsty after all, but it isn't going to be that easy for her.

I lower my other hand and get a good grip, holding her head steady while I take what I want from her mouth instead of the other way around.  That look on her face after having her nose buried against my stomach for a few seconds and listening to her try not to gag, then suddenly letting go and seeing her fall over gasping is spectacular.  It's even better when she gasps and drags herself back up onto her knees then dives in for more.

At some point I noticed she was starting to finger herself and had to deliver another smack and some direction ...

"You want to touch yourself?" I ask as I drag her head back and twist it up to look at me.  Her lips swollen and slick with spit - still parted as she tries to suck in air that I haven't been letting her get enough of.

"Yes Sir ... please sir - so much," her hands are hovering close to that small square of fabric that I'd let her keep.

"Take that off," I order - I don't think I have to be more specific, she isn't wearing anything else.

She complies, rapidly.  Then I deliver another smack, a bit harder this time to get my point across. "I didn't say you could yet."  Her hand jerks back away, but not far, her fingers are curling again and shaking - I know that sign of need, it isn't unique.

"Please Sir ... please, let me touch myself, or you touch me, anything - I need something inside me ... please"  The words come between breathy gasps, they're quiet, desperate, everything I like in a woman.

"Turn around and get on your hands and knees," my voice is firm, not loud - that isn't necessary anymore.

"Yes Sir ... please sir," she is still carrying on, it seems like unless she has something in her mouth now the words just spill out - damn hot.

She turns around and bends over, raising her ass in the air.  I swat it, eliciting a muted squeal and some wiggling.  Then I get down on my own knees and start to stroke her - causing even more wiggling and half thrashing ... shes definitely getting off on it.  I can still hear the soft sounds of her whispering 'please Sir' over and over.

"I hope you can still beg - because if you come before I give you permission you won't like the results." I offer, and give her a few seconds to process that - damn I love the control.  It's almost like a different woman, after just this much conditioning I bet I could have her begging for just about anything. What other possibilities does she have locked inside of her?  I can't wait to find out ... I still have the key after all.

- Fin

Technique Tuesday: Bastinado

Bastinado, also known as falanga and falaka, is the art of whipping the bottoms of pretty, vulnerable, innocent little feets.  Or at least that's what I call my feet when I'm trying to hide them, sole-to-sole, against a threatening cane.  "Poor innocent feets!"

The truth is, I just love it.

I have this thing about not liking feet in general.  I think they're kind of icky.  I hate having people touch mine, especially strangers.  I don't even like people looking at mine unless they are safely tucked away in socks.  I just don't think of them as a pretty part, and the idea of a foot fetish in general makes me very confused.  To me, it might as well be an elbow fetish; I just don't get it.  Then again, everyone's kink is different.

Then I wound up with this guy who gives amazing foot massages.  He explained to me the ways in which he'd learned to get women all worked up... through their feet.  I didn't think it was possible.  I mean feet?  Feet?  Sexy times with feet?  No way.

It took a long time for me to be able to relax enough to let him touch them, let alone massage them.  My feet are very sensitive and ticklish, and I hate being tickled (See here for reference!), so it took some real trust to let him have his way with them without protest, squealing, and struggling to get away.  When I did?  Oh it was a complete revelation.  And while at times I'm still shy about my feet, and have a tendency to tuck them beneath myself, sit on them, hide them under pets or pillows or whatever else is handy when he reaches for them... I'm aware that there's much more to feet than meets the eye.

I've mentioned before how much I adore the videos from Hogtied, and that's where my curiosity about bastinado was piqued.  If massaging my feet was awesome, and hit all these erogenous spots, what would happen with caning of the feet?  I brought it up tentatively, shyly, uncertainly, and it gave the Masterly one kind of an evil glint in his eyes. He likes it, I think, when I am interested in trying something that also has me really freaked out.  He enjoys vulnerability and fear on display.

I can't remember when we first tried it, but it was years ago and with our previous acrylic cane.  We moved on to floggers, slappers, wooden spoons, and all kinds of punishment for those poor innocent feets.  And what I learned is, those same erogenous zones that got so stimulated from his massaging hands were even more stimulated with the pain of a beating.  It pushed all of my buttons, including, incidentally, my light interest in humiliation, because I find having my feet at his mercy both humbling and humiliating.  I'm not sure why, it's likely because it's a part of me that I feel so driven to keep hidden, the way most people would feel about displaying a blemish that made them self-conscious.  And my display of pleasure and arousal from it feeds that humiliation even more, of course.

If you've never tried bastinado, it's worth a try (especially for feet-o-phobes!).  Find someone experienced with light cane work and start slowly.  Experiment with what feels best to you and what you can't stand.  The goal here isn't to raise huge welts - unless you don't have to do any walking for a while, in which case, go nuts -it's a great way to force immobilization/crawling on someone!  Try light rhythmic strokes to start, and figure out where the nerves that push your buttons are (for me, it's right in the center of the arch of my foot, as well as the outer ball of the foot near the pinkie toe).  Find out where it really bothers you (right on the center flat of my heel is a rough spot for me, right where the bone is -owowow), and figure out what makes it tick for you.  It's worth experimenting with.  If you don't have a cane, try a wooden spoon.  And have fun with it!

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